


Is Close the Closest Star?

by kolbietheninja



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider's Bad Parenting, Dimension Travel, F/F, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Podfic Welcome, Post-Canon, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Rose's Mom | Beta Roxy Lalonde's Bad Parenting, Trollstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:35:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24085210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kolbietheninja/pseuds/kolbietheninja
Summary: What the kids expected upon opening the door to the new universe: the new universeWhat they did not expect: trollsonas, ascension to God Tier, memories of lives never lived, an Alternia that isn't a horrible murder planet, taxes probablyThe hits keep coming, and they really don't stop coming, huh.[Updates once in a blue moon]
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Kanaya Maryam & Dave Strider, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Rose Lalonde & Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 91
Kudos: 151





	1. Be the nubby horned troll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _"I'll never be what you see inside.  
>  You say I'm not alone, but I am petrified.  
> You say that you are close.  
> Is close the closest star?  
> You just feel twice as far.  
> You just feel twice as far."_  
> \- "Fake You Out" by Twenty One Pilots
> 
> Inspired by the many Post-Sburb fic that have the kids going off on one last romp after the game, including 09Pyros_09Hydros' To Live series, all of which are the exact kind of story I wanted to read as soon as I finished the comic. You guys are doing the lord's work.
> 
> Next chapter is mostly complete and will be posted next Wednesday. ;)

**== > Be the nubby horned troll**

Hey! You resent that! Your horns may be nubby, but that's hardly the first thing that people notice about you. You're not sensitive over their size or anything, but you are pissed that that's what you've been boiled down to in this pointless introduction.

 **== >** **Be the loud and angry troll**

You're hardly going to dispute _that_ description, but come the fuck on. There are more important things to focus on here.

Like the fact that you don't know where the fuck you are. Or that you've somehow changed clothes in between sleeping and waking. Maybe even the tiny, not at all disturbing or worrying observation that you can't remember falling asleep.

The last thing you _do_ remember was watching Egbert open the door to the new universe only to be fucking blindsided by the holy fucking white light of Jegus penetrating your gander bulbs, and then you blinked and found yourself here.

**== > Inspect your surroundings**

Oh fuck no. You're not inspecting a goddamned thing until you get called by your actual fucking name. You know, that thing you're given upon being chosen by your lusus, so people don't call you panrottingly stupid shit like "that nubby horned troll"?

 **== >** **Fine. Be Karkat Vantas**

About fucking time.

Now that that's fucking settled, you're going to stop all this meta hoofbeastshit because last time you checked, you're not a giant nooklicker in a dumbass cape.

**== > Karkat: Trip on dumbass cape**

Fuck.

You flail around uselessly for a good few minutes trying to escape the fabric-y hell you've gone and entangled yourself in and then spend another five cursing it, your life, the game, Dave, Dave's dumbass cape, and the universe in general, for good measure.

Then you remember the whole different clothes situation and realize it was _your_ cape that did you in. Your cape that is attached to the collar of some very familiar human pajamas. Except these are varying shades of brown, and from your weird upside down angle, it seems like the symbol on the front is not a red gear but what looks strangely like the symbol for _your_ aspect.

Huh.

…

…

…

…

…

...

WHEN DID YOU FUCKING DIE???

WHO OR WHAT FUCKING KILLED YOU???

WHERE WAS THE FUCKING QUEST COCOON????

WHAT THE BULGESHITTING FUCK IS GOING ON?????

**== > Waste time flipping your shit**

_Boy_ , do you.

Eventually, you calm down. Or rather you're distracted from your own screeching by red sparkles dancing about in your vision like the world's shittiest and most ironic minuscule celebration squares. 

This is when you notice you're floating a good few feet off the ground.

You also notice the huge fucking candy red wings fluttering behind you, sparkling and glittering and making you look like one of Tavros' lame Pupa Pan posters come to life.

Then your life long instincts to hide your mutant blood color kick in, and you're too busy panicking about your imminent death to worry about whatever happened to make you God Tier.

**== > Karkat: Be the devastatingly cool troll**

You're not gonna lie. You're definitely the coolest kid this side of paradox space (and probably the other side if you're being totally honest), but you are not a troll.

Your name is Dave Strider, and you are 100% real human, no artificial fruits or dyes, or your money back.

**== > Be the troll in denial**

You're not in denial.

Alright, maybe saying that does nothing to disprove the claim.

And okay, maybe you woke up, and you were not, physically speaking, exactly the way you expected yourself to look. Maybe instead of pale skin and blunt nails, you were ghoulishly grey and had some wicked sharp claws. Maybe your hair was black, and you had a pair of sick nasty horns. Maybe you even accidentally bit your tongue with fangs you definitely didn't have yesterday, and maybe you were a little weirded out by the not quite red blood that beaded out.

You're not a troll, okay? You're just having an off day.

Besides, would a guy in denial admit the rust red wings he suddenly possessed were unironically awesome?

You rest your case.

**== > Be Dayvid Stridr**

Who the hell is that.

You?

Oh, fuck, it _is_ you. You're a fucking troll.

And not that their whole system isn't complete and utter bullshit, but you're not even high up on the scale. You're at the very bottom. A fucking rust blood.

Wait. You never pay attention to Karkat when he explains the hemobullshit. How do you know that?

Your patented poker face slips a little as you grimace from the pain of about ten sweeps worth of memories slamming into your noggin' like a runaway semi into a 7-11 gas station.

Ow.

**== > Dayvid: Be the glowy vampire troll**

You are not glowing at the moment. Your dancestor taught you a neat little trick to turn it off, and you actually quite enjoy no longer literally lighting up the room.

**== > Be the occasionally glowy vampire troll**

That is better.

Although, you are technically still generating light with every shift of your newly gifted wings. That sparkle effect is rather...less entrancing when it is constantly flitting about in your own periphery. You wonder whether there is some hidden method of turning those off.

Your God Tier outfit also leaves something to be desired. Perhaps you will alter it at a later time.

Right now, you need to figure out where you are, how you got here, and what happened to the others.

**== > Kanaya: Inspect your surroundings**

You woke up on the floor inside a small room. It has pink metal walls and floors, as well as two doors that seem to require pressing a button to open. Inside the room, there is a recuperacoon, a small desk with a husktop, a chair with embroidered cushions, and a handmade carpet.

On the left hand wall, above the desk, there is a hologram on a shelf displaying a peculiar picture: you with your eyes fully filled in holding hands with another vaguely familiar troll. A violet blood.

Upon closer inspection, you discern this other troll to be Rose. Or Rohzze, as the tasteful purple font at the bottom of the picture attests.

Hmm. It seems something is "all the way up" as Dave once eloquently put it.

This requires further investigation. You turn to the husktop for answers. Before you take a single step, you are overwhelmed by a cacophony of experiences you had no recollection of prior to this moment.

**== > Kanaya: Be Karkat Vantas**

_You_ don't even want to be Karkat. Especially now that you've calmed down from another shitfit and realized you have bigger things to worry about than even your blood color.

In your fear, you fled to the ablution block attached to the room you woke up in, caught sight of your reflection in the mirror, and now you're just. Staring. Stunned. Utterly flummoxed at the reflection. Speechless, for the first time in recorded history.

You are only eight sweeps old, yet the troll before you is clearly at least ten. His eyes are completely filled, his horns are bigger, his face has lost all wiggler fat. He's noticeably taller and more muscular, not a scrawny little scrap of a grub who fought like a meowbeast to make up for it. His skin is darker, too, on the blacker side of grey but not quite pitch.

He's God Tier, and his red, red wings give him an ethereal glow in the dim light.

He's a fully fledged Knight of Blood.

He's an adult.

He's _you_.

In tandem, you groan and clutch your heads as you unwillingly remember.

**== > Karkat: Be the slightly bemused troll**

Bemused is not an inaccurate descriptor for the way you're currently feeling. You might even go so far as to say you're a little perturbed.

You had plenty of time to process your new...appearance and subsequent memories while your cohorts were freaking out, so while you're mildly displeased by the change, it's not the cause of the frown on your painted black lips.

You can't See a future that extends further than six weeks. Even then, your visions are, for the most part, hazy and indistinct. 

As far as you can tell, the most successful path forward simply involves keeping your heads down while you play the roles of your counterparts in this alternate universe, but where that eventually takes you, you can only theorize.

You really don't like charging into a situation blind - and you mean that quite literally - but as of now, there's nothing you can do but remain cautious and gather intel the mundane way.

As such, your next course of action is clear.

CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board THE LAST BASTIONS OF SANITY ON THIS GODFORSAKEN METEOR.

CTT: I trust we have all regained our memories by now. Thus, the memo.

CTT: I realize I am asking a lot of a game that involves such inspired naming conventions as The Battlefield, but one would hope it could do better than Rohzze Lalond as the name of my trollsona.

CTT: I can't help feeling cheated.

CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CTG: at least its not dayvid stridr

CTG: which is not just lazy but also wrong

CTG: my human names not even david all they did was add a y too like yup this is a troll name now ccause its six letters no need to put any acctual fuccking thought into it

CTG: now its like those names white moms add extra letters to until theyre fuccking unreccognizable just so they ccan pretend their little bean sprout is more speccial than the other white moms kids

CTG: but sincce literally every mom is doing it its not unique anymore it just makes you a basicc ass bitcch karen no ones forgotten your husband left you for the pool boy

CTG: and it just ccompletely sccrews over the teacchers who have to do mental math and bring out the foil tecchnique just to figure out how dylan ccan have an ampersan and three qs yet still apparently sound the same

CTG: why ccouldnt i just be troll dave strider that's just as stupid but at least my poor name wouldnt be so horribly fuccking butcchered

CTT: This is perhaps the first time I have ever resonated so strongly with one of your inane metaphors.

CTT: If I didn't know any better, I would suspect Sburb of actually fucking with us.

CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CGA: I Have Many Questions

CGA: But I Can Surmise The Answer To Most Of Them Is Simply More Sburb Absurdity So I Will Narrow It Down To One

CGA: How Did I Become God Tier

CTG: uhh what

CTT: Regrettably, I have no idea. Perhaps it is a prize for beating the game?

CGA: A Better Gift Would Have Been The New Universe We Were Promised

CGA: But I Must Admit The Powerup And Immortality Does Reassure Me However I Came To Possess Them

CTT: I wonder if Karkat is also God Tier now. That would significantly increase our fighting potential.

CTG: yo where is he anyway

CTG: usually hes the first one to ccheck in

CTG: think he saw the slime and fuccking jumped at the cchancce to acctually sleep for oncce

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCG: I WAS ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE, BULGEWIPE. NOT THAT YOU WOULD FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.

CCG: I FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET RID OF THOSE STUPID FUCKING WINGS.  YOU JUST HAVE TO TAKE OFF THE GOD TIER CLOTHES.

CCG: AND BEFORE ANY OF YOU CHUCKLEFUCKS SO MUCH AS MAKE A SUGGESTIVE COMMENT, I TRADED THE PAJAMAS FOR REGULAR CLOTHES.

CGA: That Is A Relief

CGA: Pretty As They Are The Constant Sparkling Was Beginning To Grate

CTT: Much appreciated. The violet clashes terribly with this flamboyant yellow.

CTG: aw man i dont even remember what its like to wear anything else

CTG: but these giant fucck off faerie wings are really sccrewing with my image

CTG: ccant even take myself seriously

CCG: NO ONE ELSE CAN TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY EITHER, AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF ANY FUCKING EXTRA APPENDAGES.

CCG: ANYWAY ARE WE GOING TO DANCE AROUND THE GIANT TRUNKBEAST IN THE BLOCK FOREVER, OR ARE WE GOING TO ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT THIS?

CTG: i dunno i had a few more zingers 

CTG: ccould have sashayed around that trunkbeast for at least another few tangents

CCG: OH I'M SORRY! I WASN'T ACTUALLY GIVING YOU A CHOICE! WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS!

CCG: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

CGA: I Would Like To Know That As Well

CGA: We Did Win The Game Did We Not

CTT: Unquestionably. We witnessed the birth of the new universe, and its door manifested before us.

CTT: It seems things went pear-shaped the moment John opened it.

CCG: ALL I REMEMBER IS A BLINDING LIGHT, AND SUDDENLY I WAS HERE. GOD TIER AND A FULL SWEEP OLDER.

CCG: YOU DON'T THINK *THIS* IS THE NEW UNIVERSE, DO YOU? BECAUSE IT SUCKS BULGE.

CTG: nah it ccant be

CTG: we were supposed to repopulate the alpha earth and live there

CTG: instead we woke up nowhere near it on an alternian ship as fuccking trolls  
  
CTT: My best guess is that the universe was reset before we could properly claim our reward.

CTT: But something went wrong, likely because this wasn't supposed to happen, and it fucked up in its creation.

CTT: Thus, two humans have become trolls, two trolls have become God Tier, and in keeping our memories, we've effectively replaced our alternates instead of being replaced ourselves.

CTT: There is something poetic about this.

CGA: If Your Theory Is Correct Does That Mean We Have Been Thrown Into Another Game Session

CGA: If So Pardon My Language But Fuck That Noise

CTG: ayyy a woman after my own heart

CTG: but yeah what she said

CTT: No. I don't believe so.

CTT: I don't have any concrete evidence, so take this as you will. But I think the reset fucked up precisely because the game was well and truly over with.

CTT: John opened the door, remember? Whatever happened occurred after we gained access to the new universe.

CTT: As such, there is no game to prepare for, and this universe might be the one we're stuck with.

CCG: THAT JUST FIGURES. OF COURSE THE FUCKING GAME HAD TO SCREW US OVER ONE LAST TIME! IT COULDN'T JUST LET US WIN!

CGA: That Is Distressing

CGA: But At Least I No Longer Have To Worry About The Continuation Of Our Species

CGA: Trolls Seem To Be Thriving Here Even More So Than Before They Were Wiped Out Alongside Our Universe

CCG: PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT CONSTANTLY MURDERING EACH OTHER ANYMORE.

CCG: THIS NEW ALTERNIA IS FUCKING WEIRD, BUT IT'S LEAGUES BETTER THAN THE OLD ONE.

CTG: it kinda reminds me of earth

CTG: if earth kids were raised by giant white monsters and we had like a million years to develop our tecch

CTG: anyway i  only have first hand experience with this one but based on what ive heard yeah id say its better than your horror show of a death planet

CTG: imma go out on a limb and say any planet would be better its not that hard

CGA: A Peaceful Alternia

CGA: I Never Considered I Would Ever Witness Such A Thing

CGA: Were Circumstances Different I Would Not Have Minded Growing Up There Instead

CCG: I WOULDN'T EITHER IF IT WEREN'T FOR ALL THE SECOND SIGNLESS HOOFBEASTSHIT.

CCG: AS IT IS, I STAND BY OTHER KARKAT'S DECISION TO ESCAPE ON THIS FUCKING SHIP. IT'S PROBABLY THE ONLY DECISION A KARKAT HAS EVER MADE THAT WASN'T A COMPLETE SHITSHOW.

CTG: oh yeah youre like a big deal there

CTG: wait i think they even have a planetwide holiday dediccated to you and your anccestor

CTG: sicck

CCG: IT IS NOT "SICK"! IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING! I HAD TO ATTEND A CEREMONY TWICE A FUCKING SWEEP!

CCG: I'VE HAD PEOPLE ASK ME TO BLEED ON THEM! IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME! WHAT THE FUCK!

CTG: ok thats gross

CTG: but also hilarious

CGA: I Have A Similar Experience In That Many Strangers Have Requested That I Taste Their Blood

CGA: Fans Of Our Ancestors Are A Little Overzealous

CGA: Especially Members Of Their Cult

CCG: I *STILL* GET MESSAGES FROM CREEPY CULT FUCKS EVEN OUT HERE! WITH ALL THE SECURITY CHECKS IN PLACE! THEY'VE FUCKING TAKEN OVER MY DIVISION, I SWEAR TO FUCK!

CTT: It wouldn't surprise me. In fact, I'm almost certain there was a surge of applicants for the Sector of Alien Matters immediately after Karkat confirmed his decision to pursue ambassadorship.

CTT: They consider it their duty to protect you, after all, and what better way than working with you? Your superiors could even be closeted cult members. There's no way of knowing for sure.

CCG: THAT'S JUST FUCKING GREAT. DO YOU THINK ANY OF THE CREW ARE SUFFERERS?

CCG: WAIT! DON'T ANSWER THAT.

CCG: I'D RATHER NOT KNOW. LET'S STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS. IT'S GIVING ME CHILLS.

CTG: yeah i just realized my anccestor was my bro and uhh

CTG: i dont wanna think about him or the possibility i ccould ever run into him again

CTG: id rather sit and listen to karkat leccture me on quadrants for hours and yall know how i feel about fuccking quadrants

CTG: which i still dont understand by the way troll me didnt even get it its pure nonsense

CCG: I KNOW I ASKED FOR A SUBJECT CHANGE, BUT EVEN *I* GET TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT QUADRANTS, DAVE. ESPECIALLY WITH YOU.

CGA: Here Is A Subject Change

CGA: Where Are Our Friends

CGA: My Alternate Self Has No Memory Of The Others Nor Do I Recall Any Stories Involving Their Ancestors

CTT: If the four of us ended up on New Alternia, it stands to reason the others might be on the new Earth.

CTG: wait so does that mean john and jade might still be human

CTG: why do the harleyberts get all the lucck

CTT: Not only might John and Jade and subsequently the other human players have remained human, but there is sufficient evidence to believe the trolls have experienced a species swap as well.

CTT: Also, this is purely speculation on my part, but based on the previous resets and the existence of our ancestors, we can likely presume our dead have been returned to life.

CCG: FUCK.

CGA: I Agree

CGA: I Would Not Mind Seeing Some Of Them Again But Not Even The Satisfaction Of Killing Eridan Twice Makes The Prospect Of Him Being Alive Any More Palatable

CTG: i dunno how i feel about this either

CTG: some of the trolls i met in dream bubbles were pretty ccool but i think a lot of that had to do with them being dead

CTT: It's only speculation.

CTT: Regardless, I doubt those who were dead before the reset would remember. It might be more prudent to consider them alternate versions rather than the originals.

CGA: I Still Do Not Like This

CGA: May I Kill Him Even If He Does Not Remember His Crimes

CCG: NO! NO ONE'S KILLING ANYONE!

CCG: I KNOW WE'RE NOT ON THE METEOR ANYMORE, BUT THE RULE STILL STANDS! IF YOU HAVE BEEF WITH SOMEONE, TAKE IT UP WITH ME! OR HURTLE INSULTS AT THEM OVER TROLLIAN LIKE A CIVILIZED TROLL!

CTG: you tell em leader

CCG: OH NO! I AM *NOT* THE LEADER! I REFUSE! ONE OF YOU NOOKSNIFFERS CAN STEP UP FOR FUCKING ONCE.

CGA: But You Are A Natural

CTG: yeah none of us have what it takes

CTT: Even if I did, I prefer to work behind the scenes.

CTT: Besides, you're the only one with the wherewithal to bring a group together and force them to cooperate long enough to achieve a common goal.

CTT: I have always found it impressive that you managed to lead your team to victory in your session, despite everything.

CCG: ALL I DID WAS SCREAM AT THEM FOR 600 HOURS! NONE OF THEM ACTUALLY RESPECTED ME AS A LEADER! AS SOON AS WE NO LONGER HAD A COMMON GOAL, WE FELL APART!

CCG: A GOOD LEADER WOULD HAVE PREVENTED THAT FROM HAPPENING!

CTG: you already know i think thats all bullshit

CTG: so instead ill just say it sounds like the only thing you failed at was stopping them from killing eacch other

CTG: otherwise you did a bang up job

CTG: sincce you probably dont have to worry about us doing that arent you the best qualified

CTT: "Probably", he says.

CTT: However ominous my brother's wording, he is right. You are the most qualified, Karkat.

CTT: You are the only one of us to have actually received an education in leadership, but it is also a trait inherent to your very being.

CTT: Deny it all you want, but your classpect betrays you.

CGA: As The Only Remaining Leader Of Our Separate Sessions It Falls To You To Take The Helm

CCG: FUCK! FINE! I GIVE UP!

CCG: I'M THE LEADER! SO LISTEN WHEN I TELL YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THIS!

CGA: Excellent

CTG: ccool

CTT: With that issue taken care of, I ask of our newly appointed leader: What next?

CCG: WE TOOK THE PLACES OF OUR ALTERNATE SELVES, SO UNTIL WE FIGURE OUT WHAT WE WANT TO DO ABOUT THIS FUCKED UP SITUATION, WE HAVE TO TAKE UP THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES TOO.

CCG: THAT MEANS WE EACH HAVE SHIT TO DO IN THE EVENING, SO WE SHOULD END THINGS HERE FOR NOW AND GO THE FUCK TO COON.

CTG: aye aye capn

CGA: Very Well

CTT: In that case, let us adjourn.

CTT banned CCG from memo.

CTT banned CGA from memo.

CTT banned CTG from memo.

CTT closed memo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [This site](http://homestuck5.com/) did all the formatting for the pesterlogs for me and is the only reason this whole fic wasn't put off longer lmao
> 
> Kinda hinted at it, but they're all 10 sweeps (21 years). Their alt selves have been off planet for a full sweep. 
> 
> Rose is a violet blood/sea dweller, and her horns are an inverse of Feferi's. They look like this: ( )
> 
> She replaces every O with ( ) but managed to refrain from doing so here. It's habit, so it took conscious effort lol
> 
> Dave is a rust blood, and his horns are shaped like C's - similar to that of the giant sable antelope - and they have ridges that make them look like gears. 
> 
> His speech/typing quirk replaces every single C with two C's to mimic his horns. No, he hasn't noticed he is doing this yet.
> 
> They do believe Karkat to be a good leader, but at the prospect of being put in the position themselves, well.
> 
> Dave, already responsible for saving everyone's lives via time travel which he absolutely hates: *panics*
> 
> Kanaya, already put under a ton of stress via matriorb which was destroyed in front of her: *is mildly distressed*
> 
> Rose, who fancies herself a tactician + loves the drama of being the hidden mastermind just like Dirk: *masterminds*
> 
> He never had a chance. ;p


	2. Dave: Go the fuck to coon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad people are interested in this! I've already got like six chapters written, so I'd feel pretty disappointed if no one wanted to read them lol
> 
> You can expect an update next Wednesday, May 20. ;)

**== > Dave: Go the fuck to coon**

You can't.

You’ve tried, okay? You know how this is supposed to go. You’ve got step by step instructions imprinted in your brain, alongside memories of how soothing this shit is. You even know why you have to do it. If you don’t, you’ll be plagued by vicious night terrors that make the ones you got as a human look like halloween specials on Sesame Street.

Even so, you just can’t.

You eye your recuperacoon like it might sidle over to you and offer up its grody slime like it’s a fancy appetizer at a party pretentious enough to be called a “gala”. You don’t want French snails, and you sure as hell don’t want to stick your naked body in a vat of red goo.

...But you also don’t want to personally experience those night terrors you can only vaguely remember.

There’s only one thing to do, then.

* * *

Karkat doesn't say anything when you slip inside his room later, just gives you that same exasperatedly fond look he always gave you when you just showed up like this back on the meteor.

Back before you guys actually agreed on a name for the decidedly not-just-bros shit you were doing. Like falling asleep on each other on the couch during your endless movie marathons. Which gradually progressed to occasionally allowing Karkat to pull you along by the hand to his room and the makeshift bed he'd rigged up in place of a recuperacoon. 

After that, sneaking into his room became the new normal, the vastly superior alternative to the fugue state you found yourself in after yet another nightmare, staring blankly at the ceiling above your bed until it was a socially acceptable time to get up, restless, exhausted, and inexplicably cold.

Although maybe "sneaking" isn't the right word when Karkat basically expected you and left the door unlocked for the very purpose of allowing you easy entry. Eh, whatever. You totally pulled out awesome ninja moves avoiding people on the way to his room then and now, so it counts.

As usual, he doesn't give you any shit for it. Too tired, maybe, to put up his usual pretense of not being the sappiest, kindest, gooiest person you've ever met. Or maybe he just trusts you.

Honestly, it's probably a combination of the two, you think, noticing the gigantic eye bags under his eyes that seem to be a constant no matter where you go in paradox space.

Ha. The two immutable truths of the universe: Karkat can't sleep for shit, and Dave Strider is one immeasurably cool dude.

Unaware of your internal musing, Karkat moves over to make room in the 'coon, which you know from Troll!Dave's experience is big enough for the both of you, so you walk over, heeding the silent invitation.

The slime is a _little_ less gross with an adorably sleep-ruffled Karkat in it, and the prospect of being so close to him is a tempting one, especially when things are as uncertain as the assertion that Karkat's sarcastic attempts at irony are ironic purely based on the fact that you find them funny anyway. 

(You have tabled that discussion indefinitely because you refuse to give him the satisfaction, and his last ragefest on the topic led to a lot of snippy, pointed comments from Rose about your "kinky" relationship that had both of you mortified enough to actively avoid a repeat.)

Still, you hesitate, your rational human side clashing with your weird troll instincts.

 **Human brain** : slime bad, dry good

 **Troll brain:** get lost in the sauce

Uh huh. Uh huh. They both have very good points.

"Will you climb the fuck in already?" Karkat snaps out his stupor to say, apparently unable to let a silence go unbroken. "You're gonna lose your spooning privileges if you keep standing there like a jackass. _Some_ of us were actually sleeping before they were rudely fucking interrupted."

You snort.

"Like you weren't waiting up for me," you say, because he so obviously was. You know from Alt Dave that sopor slime knocks Karkat out like a light. Your other selves routinely met up like clandestine lovers in the night (because your crew was full of nosy gossips), and you knew that if Karkles went to sleep before you, there was no waking him up.

Karkat rolls his red, red eyes - a detail you have enough tact to know you shouldn't bring attention to - but he doesn't refute you. He has access to the same memories as you do, after all.

Instead of riling him up any further and ruining what is otherwise turning out to be a pretty chill encounter by prompting a tantrum, you quickly strip out of your clothes and climb into the recuperacoon beside him.

The first thing you notice is that it's not dick-shriveling-ly cold, which is a plus, just pleasantly cool. Even more pleasant is Karkat's familiar warmth. He runs hotter than you even now, right on the edge of being uncomfortable some nights, but it contrasts nicely against the chill of the sopor. You wrap yourself around him and sink into his manly embrace like you're a dainty southern belle, and he's your husky outlaw back from his last, big heist.

Yeah, you can't think romantic shit without like ten layers of irony even in your head.

In a practiced motion, Karkat grabs your shades and sets them on the safety of a nearby table. Then he meets your naked eyes and smiles the kind of sweet, unselfconscious smile meant for quiet moments in darkened rooms like this, and he looks at you the same way he did before, like nothing's changed at all.

Like you're still the dumbass he argues with constantly, mostly because you think it's funny to egg him on, and he can't resist taking the bait.

Like you're still the kid he yelled his feelings for in a fit of anxiety and self-doubt two years into your trip on the meteor and one year after you began initiating not-just-bro shit.

Like you're still the same Dave he accidentally admitted he loved for the first time during a rant about Troll 50 First Dates after you said it was "alright but not Troll Adam Sandler's best work."

You didn't think you were worried about how things would shake out between you now that you'd gone troll, but there's a knot in your gut unwinding in relief that plainly tells you it had been a concern. An unfounded one, it seems, and you think you love him a little more for that.

You steal a kiss and whisper, "Night."

He lets out one of those not-quite-a-laugh puffs of air through his nose and grumbles, "S'morning, moron."

"You can take the man out of the human, but you can't take the human out of the man."

"Shut the fuck up, Dave," he says, lips twitching like he's trying not to smile.

Mindful of your new headgear, you shove your face into the crook of his neck and smother your laughter against his warm skin. Together, you drift off to sleep.

* * *

The next "night" sees the four of you meeting up in Karkat's room, which is by far the biggest. Maybe twice the size of your rooms on the meteor? You don't know. The only thing you're good at measuring is time.

With the lights on, you can actually get a good look at the place. Your first impression? Other Karkat was trying _way_ too hard to pretend he was a proper, upstanding troll who definitely didn't have a weakness for terribad romcoms and bodice rippers.

His walls are bare of the dumb movie posters you _know_ he still has to have somewhere, replaced by bland paintings like the ones you find in hotel rooms that try to give off a homey, lived in feel but only end up seeming like the guest bedroom your in-laws use when they stop in once a year to eat dinner and criticize all your life decisions. 

The only books you can see are all pseudo intellectual shit like theories on war and society and the reasons for cultural differences between allied planets, et cetera. You'd bet anything some of those huge tomes are fronts for torrid love stories. You'll have to snoop later.

There's also, uh. Red. Everywhere. Red recuperacoon, red slime, red couch, red carpet, red curtains, red desk, red husktop. Red like Karkat's blood. It's pretty obvious they tailored this room to him, going above and beyond even the usual troll tendency to display their blood color everywhere like someone might somehow forget.

Perhaps the biggest and most noticeable decoration is the giant mural on the wall opposite the entrance that depicts the Signless standing over the fallen form of the former Empress, hands open, arms out to either side, and lit up from behind by what looks to be a sun or a halo. It's one of the most common subjects for painters to tackle, the moment Signless finally triumphed over the cruel Empire.

Even though he wasn't actually there, or the one to land the final blow, it was undoubtedly he who rallied the people to the cause and gave the rebellion the leg up it needed to win.

His suffering and ultimate sacrifice for them lit a fire in the people's hearts and kickstarted a revolution in his name that Her Imperious Condescension had no hope of stomping out. It was your Ancestor who felled her, but it was and is widely considered Signless' victory.

(Despite the fact that from what you know of the guy, he wouldn't have wanted to have inspired such violence. Little details like his pacifism and forgiving nature don't matter as much as a good story, apparently.)

Just as common is the striking image of him strung up by red-hot iron cuffs, rivers of blood vivid and damning against his dark skin, eyes fire bright with scorching rage and keening sorrow. His final moments rendered for all to see in perpetuity. But since Karkat actually does care about what his ancestor would have thought of all this and knows he wouldn't have wanted to be celebrated for his suffering, he's pretty vocal about it, to the point that no one would dare put artwork of _that_ where he can see it.

The mural of Victory is the lesser evil in that regard, you suppose, even if you're sure Karkat and Signless would prefer neither.

Anyway, ever since you first spotted her, you haven't been able to stop staring at Rose, who is a fucking _fish troll._ New Alternia or not, fish trolls are still just the _worst._ Haughty, holier than thou, and always looking like they just smelled something nasty. All because it was a violet blood who united all the highbloods and convinced them to join her in overthrowing the Empire - Rose's Ancestor, the troll version of her Mom.

You admit that what she pulled off was damn impressive, but the superiority complex her actions have instilled in others like her has soured you toward the idea of actually dealing with any of them, Rose being the only exception.

"Nice rack," is the first thing she says to you in person after you were all unceremoniously yeeted into an alternate universe, before primly taking another sip of tea. Or well, the alien equivalent. Alternia doesn't have anything like it, but luckily for Rose, one of the allied planets does.

You resist the urge to reach up and touch your horns. It's still weird as all hell, and you don't really want to think about how strange and uncomfortable you feel in this alien body, especially when half of you is insisting it's totally normal. The dissonance can be hella disorienting, like what you can only imagine a bad acid trip feels like. You've never related more to the protagonist of MAD SNACKS YO, may the glitchy bastard clip through to some sort of eternal peace after enduring his nightmare hellscape of a world for so long.

"Nice fins," you shoot back, and they twitch to flatten against her head before resuming their normal position. You recognize the movement for what it is. Rose is just as unsettled by her new meat suit as you are, which you probably should have guessed.

You share a commiserating look. Or maybe Rose is just frowning at you because you needled a sore spot. You can never tell if the visible parts of your face actually convey what you're feeling the few times you elect to emote.

Much more observant than you, Kanaya comes to the rescue and rests a comforting hand on her shoulder. Laying her own hand over Kanaya's, Rose spares her a quick, appreciative smile. Then it's all business.

"We were fortunate that no one questioned our simultaneous requests for a few nights' leave, but we won't be able to slack off forever. In the interim, I suggest we familiarize ourselves with our new occupations, so we can resume work with little difficulty."

Abruptly reminded of another thing you were trying to forget, you groan. "I can't believe I've got a job now. I even have a whole division. Who thought it was a good idea to put me in charge of anything?"

"The assholes who wanted to make themselves look good by giving us seemingly important government positions without actually giving us any power," Karkat says, still grumpy about all the suggestive comments and winking he got when he called someone up to tell them the four of you were taking a few nights off. You had been too embarrassed yourself to appreciate the teal blood's sheer gall. "Not that the other me even fucking _wanted_ any power. Bulgelickers."

"If I recall correctly, it was you who hired us and assigned us positions on your ship," Kanaya points out, calling him out like a champ.

"Whatever. You didn't have any other prospects anyway!" He defends himself, crossing his arms and slumping against the back of the couch.

He's got you there. You don't know about the other two, but troll you didn't exactly have anything lined up before Karkat announced his intention to become an ambassador and all but ordered you to figure out how to make yourself useful because you were going with him.

Before, you entertained the idea of breaking into the movie industry or doing something with your sick beats beyond the occasional DJing, but no matter what you did, you'd be held up to the standards of your ancestor. You were always either not quite good enough or praised for being just like him, and you hated it.

Plus, you didn't want to be separated from your best bro and matesprit - nor your only other friends Rose and Kanaya, who seemed to have made up their minds to go along with him - so you figured out how to be useful. Eventually, your efforts landed you the position of Second Officer, head of intel and security and third-in-command.

Favoritism obviously played a hand, but it only got you on the roster. You earned your high rank. The others are no slouches, either.

Karkat is of course the Captain, Rose is the Chief Officer, head of the bridge (and subsequently navigation) and second-in-command, and then there's Kanaya, the Chief Medical Officer, in charge of all things medical.

Karkat leads, Rose guides, you defend, and Kanaya heals. It's almost uncanny how each of your jobs lends itself to your classpects, but you suppose those are all about personalities anyway. If nothing else, the game understood its players.

Or molded you into what it needed, but you prefer not to think about that.

"I quite like my position," Kanaya admits. "I have yet to ascertain for myself whether it is as I remember it, but stitching a wound is similar enough to sewing that I find myself fascinated." She actually glows a little in her excitement, and it's probably the cutest thing you've ever seen. "Simply by sifting through my alternate self's memories, I already find myself growing to truly understand my powers and gaining insight into how I might best use them."

"That's dope," you tell her, and she returns your fist bump with great dignity.

"Thank you, Dave."

"Speaking of powers," Karkat says, frowning in thought, "got any Seer shit for us, Rose?"

At the question, Rose's perpetual smug smile turns down at the corners, and you immediately straighten up and turn to fully face her. A troubled Rose usually means either shit is about to hit the fan, or it already has, and it's time for damage control.

You prompt, "Rose?"

She folds her hands and sets them atop her crossed legs. "I can only See one clear path for us to take, but no matter what we ultimately decide, my vision extends no further than six weeks."

There's a beat of silence as you process that.

Kanaya says what you're all thinking, "That is ominous."

"Are we fucking doomed?" Karkat whips around to ask you, worried.

You tap into your powers just to be sure, but: "Nah, this is still the alpha timeline."

Both Kanaya and Karkat relax a little at your declaration. You don't tell them that now that you're specifically searching for it, you can sense a knot in the timeline that signals upcoming loops. Which can only mean you've got serious, life-or-death battles to look forward to because you fucking _loathe_ time travel and refuse to use it unless you absolutely have to.

Judging by the look Rose gives you, she's probably guessed. And if she's not volunteering that information, then it must not be pertinent. At least, not yet.

"Well, what do you think it means, then?" Karkat asks, addressing Rose this time.

"I don't know," Rose says, and you almost do a double take. You don't think you ever heard those words from her in any sort of genuine sense. "Perhaps things will become clearer once we've reached the 'end' date. Or perhaps I'm simply not meant to know. If knowing could negatively affect events, it's possible the best path forward after that point can only be found by my fumbling in the dark like the rest of you."

Karkat grimaces, probably because the idea of Rose "fumbling" anything other than her attempts to woo Kanaya is just as absurd to him as it is to you. Nevertheless, he pushes past his perfectly valid reaction to ask, "What do we need to do?"

"We need only perform the roles assigned to us in this cosmic play. We can neither break character nor strike out on our own, at least for the next six weeks," she explains, back to her smirky, I-know-something-you-don't self.

Good. A pensive Rose is just as disturbing as a quiet Karkat or a sad Jade. Something has to be janked up in the universe if any one of those things becomes commonplace.

Then Kanaya throws everything out of whack again. "That is almost a perigee. Were we not supposed to reach our next destination in under a perigee?"

Oh shit.

The thing about these new memories is that your brain treats them like they're normal, like they've always been there. Because of that, they're pretty unremarkable. You can't just browse a database and select a memory to examine in full technicolor HD. While you may be an absolute unit, a literal god, you don't have a computer for a brain. Even if that'd be sick.

You only remember shit when you're reminded of it, or you think to recall it. You get hit with wave of déjà vu just about every time you turn around. Even then, there's information you've straight up forgotten, and no amount of hoping will get it back. Apparently the troll memory is just as fallible as a human's in that regard.

All that is to say, it's only now that Kanaya's brought it up that you remember something pretty important. Something you probably shouldn't have forgotten, even with everything that's happened. You can see the same realization on the others' faces as it dawns on them too.

Karkat is the one who voices it: "Our next destination is Earth."

You turn to Rose, who knew all along. "You think the others are there." She said so yesterday, after all, and had seemed pretty certain despite claiming ignorance. "Including Roxy," you add, putting the pieces together.

She smiles like the cat who ate the canary, pleased you've finally come to the right conclusion. "Yes. It's entirely possible that Roxy's void powers are interfering with my visions. Although we can't rule out the other possibilities until we know for sure."

"If Equius has indeed been resurrected and placed there alongside the others as hypothesized, there is a chance he is also to blame for the obfuscation," Kanaya offers, still seeming thrown by the idea of her dead buddies no longer being so dead.

You'd probably feel the same way if your dead weren't already six feet under by the time you got here. As it is, you'd rather they stay that way, even if it sucks that Rose never got a reunion with her mom.

"So essentially, we're flying blind," Karkat sums it up. He slaps a hand over his face. "Not like we've not been scrambling for answers and some sort of plan the entire fucking time. I wouldn't even fucking know what to do with a clear cut explanation at this point."

You pat his shoulder in an ironic mimicry of Kanaya's earlier attempt at comfort. "Even when we do make plans with all the info, shit goes all sideways, like an overturned school bus on a suspension bridge, kids dangling out the windows holding on for dear life, shouting and praying for a hero to save them. Then they get a call like, sorry, kids, we'd love to help, but there was a scheduling mishap, and the heroes aren't available today. Try being in peril next Tuesday. Click." You mime hanging up a phone. "Then they all die horrible, tragic, completely avoidable deaths. Because the planning didn't account for everyone taking off the same day. That's just how it is sometimes."

Karkat rolls his eyes and shakes you off, but Kanaya sends you an amused smile. "I only understood a quarter of that, but I agree with your point. Our plans do have the tendency to awry."

"No plan survives first contact with the enemy," you quote your boy, Snoop. You are almost 100% certain Snoop Dogg said that.

"All we can do is plan for every eventuality and trust our instincts to guide us when even that fails," Rose says.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

You're distracted from whatever she says next by the telltale beeping of a new message. You switch your iShades over to Screen Mode and check it out.

 **Minion #6** : _Practice went smoothly. Jilyan has finally corrected her overreaching on her left…_

Ugh. It's just one of your minions reporting to you about evening practice. You dismiss the message without reading it, still feeling all kinds of awkward about being anyone's boss. 

Once that window closes, you see that Pesterchum is still open to the chat you had with Rose earlier about meeting up, and as you're idly glancing over that, you notice something odd: Four new chums have been added to your chumroll, and one of them is online.

You interrupt whatever Karkat's going on about now with a bewildered, "Uh, guys. Who the hell is timaeusTestified, and why is he on my chumroll?"

Rose gets that distant look on her face that means she's using her powers. Meanwhile, Karkat and Kanaya pull out their phones to check their own accounts.

"There are new additions to mine as well," Kanaya announces, sharing a concerned look with Karkat. "Twelve, to be exact."

"You don't think-" he starts to say, chagrined.

"I do."

"Fuck!"

You don't have to be a genius to connect the dots here. Looks like you guys were right about the whole resurrection thing. You just didn't account for the _other_ players. Maybe you should have, considering they've been part of this shitfest longer than all of you.

If the four new chums on your list are the _newest_ players, then going by what little you know of the dude, TT...is probably Dirk.

When you look to her for confirmation, Rose nods. "It's him."

Both relief and a vague sense of dread wash over you, knowing your bro made it here too. You didn't get to spend much time with him, but you actually...wanted to. _Want_ to, now that you can. There's still a part of you that craves the acceptance and closeness of family, _real_ family and not the fucked up funhouse version of one you grew up with, and it's louder than the part paralyzed with fear and the memory of your Bro.

You don't think it's presumptuous to assume Dirk wants that, too.

Gathering up your courage, you hover a mental cursor over his handle, debating what you would even say. Yo, glad you're not dead? I want to form a real connection with you? That talk we had before was nice, and I'd like to do it again?

Way to sound like a needy loser, Dave. You're truly the epitome of chill. Jesus christ.

Maybe you could just say sup bro and go from there?

You agonize over it for exactly 54 seconds before deciding to just wing it. You psych yourself up again, get ready to press that eyesearing shade of orange text-

And then all that buildup and tension just completely goes to waste when Karkat startles you into clicking with his yell of, "Sollux just came online!"

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are only two states of established DaveKat: 
> 
> "sappy old married couple" or "I have only ever felt one (1) urge, and that is the urge to Annoy You"
> 
> These states coexist peacefully.
> 
> Originally, in this AU, Signless did not die horribly. He lived a full and happy life! But there's Karkat's sign & I couldn't possibly take away the uncomfortable religious associations surrounding his death!! Nor the cult that followed! So uh sorry Signless. At least you got the change you wanted??
> 
> If anyone has cool names/titles for Troll Mom and Bro, I'd love to hear them! I will of course credit you if I end up using your suggestion. ;)
> 
> Somehow every instance of "fish troll" was autocorrected to "fist troll", and I just did not notice until the final proofread. Not a real footnote, but I thought someone should know.
> 
>  **Rose:** nice rack  
>  **Dave:** No! That's the thing I'm sensitive about!
> 
>  **Dave:** nice fins  
>  **Rose:** *surprised pikachu face*
> 
> Listen. I spent way too much time researching fictional spaceship positions. For me to mangle them with crap like -culler or -terrorizer. Let's just say there was a movement like a 100 sweeps back to change the names of their professions bc it was associated with the old regime + bad vibes. Plus it's not good for universal relations if you meet a race & all their jobs sound like they're def gonna murder you in your sleep. Ofc older trolls still prefer the old terms & say "back in my day" but no one cares. >:(
> 
> "Sifting through memories" = simple recall; Kan doesn't have a computer for a brain either. Also yes they have medicalizers, but I figure that's only used for grievous injuries. They also need to know how to heal people once it breaks or something. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> If you think I don't know anything about how Rose's powers work, then???? You'd be right. I will take no steps to rectify this.
> 
> Something I did try to verify was whether any of the beta kids talked over Pesterchum with the alpha kids, and?? Results inconclusive. Whatever the answer, in this fic they sure didn't.
> 
> (Dirk's glitchy convo with Dave doesn't count.)
> 
> Lmao @ Dave being nervous to contact Dirk. Don't worry dude, Dirk would be 10000000x worse in this exact situation. The man has No Chill.


	3. Be the depressed nerd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update: Wednesday, May 27 ;)
> 
> Made a [ side blog ](https://truculentthespian.tumblr.com) for this fic! Check it out for progress/word count for each chapter + deleted scenes & extras.

**== > Be the depressed nerd**

“Sollux, wake up! We’re gonna be late!”

You’re prodded awake by the voice of your best friend and also the finger literally prodding you. As you regain consciousness, the dream you had fades rapidly, until only faint impressions remain. Twin moons. Endless metal walls. And...yelling. So much yelling.

You haven’t heard that particular kind of loud and abrasive yelling in a long, long time. Soon, you are going to hear it again, and you are going to make sure the person doing the yelling knows that he’s a dumbass, that you missed him, and that you’re going to kick his ass if he pulls shit like this again.

“I’m up,” you tell her, words taking more mental and physical effort that you think should be exerted so early in the morning. You manage to peel open your sleep-crusted eyelids in time to watch Aradia roll her eyes at you.

“You haven’t even moved!” She says, and when you turn your head to the side just to be contrary, she laughs, a bright spot in your otherwise dark and dreary room. She goes over to your closet to pull out some clothes and throws them at you. “Here, get dressed. We’re leaving in ten minutes!”

She shuts the door behind her when she leaves, and you can just barely make out the conversation she starts up with your older brother downstairs. They’re not talking about you, though, so you don’t care.

From beneath the shirt that had landed on your face, you groan, but you do get up and change. If you don’t, you know Aradia will come back up here and strip you herself. Sometimes she feels more like your mom than a friend, but considering you’re such a fucking disaster of a person, that’s probably for the best.

Especially now that KK isn’t around to shout at you to take care of yourself.

With the ease of practice, you shake off the melancholy and head into the hall bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your hair in the sink. You took a shower two days ago, so there’s no way you can muster up the energy now. That’s not a battle you want to fight today, not when you’ve got to deal with being social in person.

After you towel off your hair and put on deodorant, you grab your house key and phone and join the other two.

“It’s alive!” Mituna says, when you slouch into view. He’s leaning against the side of the archway leading into the kitchen, stupid smirk perpetually in place.

You flip him off. “Thuck it, dickbag.”

Aradia slaps you on the back of the head. “Be nice! We are _going_ to have a good time today, so don’t go around antagonizing everybody.”

“Ow!” You rub your head and glare at Mituna when he snickers.

“You don’t have to stick up for me, Radia. I’d think he’d been swapped with an unconvincing clone if he were anything but antagonistic.” They share an amused look at your expense. Then Mituna turns to you, expression more serious. “You gonna be okay, SX? No one would blame you if you skipped out on this one.”

You clamp down on the anger that instinctively rises up at the question because you know Mituna is only looking out for you, and besides Aradia, he’s the only one who doesn’t get on your case about holding out hope despite obviously disagreeing with it.

So you shrug and make a beeline for the door. Aradia sighs but follows your lead, calling out a cheerful farewell that is just as cheerfully returned. Mituna is staying behind. Latula will drop by later to pick him up, and they’ll meet up with the other guardians for their own anniversary get-together.

You hop in Aradia’s beat up old jeep, painted to look like the jeeps from Jurassic Park, while Aradia slides in the driver’s seat and cranks it up.

“You don’t need to look like you’re heading into enemy territory, babe. I talked to Terezi and Feferi, and they promised to keep the others in line. This won’t be like last time,” Aradia explains, pulling out of the driveway and onto the street.

You scoff. “Like anything can keep Eridan from running hith mouth.” You lean your head against the window and close your eyes, appreciating the contrast between the cold glass and your heated skin. “I don’t need you to babythit me, AA. I can handle whatever he throwth at me.”

She turns on the A/C. “I just don’t want this to devolve into fighting _again._ We’re supposed to be remembering our friends and all the good times we had together. Not sniping at each other like we’re still dumb teenagers.”

You get where she’s coming from, but you don’t want to sit around and reminisce about KK and KN. Doing that is just as good as giving up. It’s like admitting that they’re dead.

You refuse.

At least arguing with Eridan lets you blow off steam. Distracts you from thinking about them. You know that’s why he does it, even if he’s never said it. Eridan considered Karkat to be his best friend, too.

“Whatever,” you say, shifting until you’re comfortable. “Wake me when we get there.”

She hums her assent, and you drift off into blissful unconsciousness.

* * *

Vriska is your only real ally, and that’s a truth you can hardly believe even after all this time. Your bewilderment doesn’t stop you from snagging the spot next to her when you and Aradia finally arrive and huddling against the arm of the couch like a gremlin (as Aradia once put it) with your knees pulled up against your chest and your arms wrapped around your legs.

Next to you, Vriska is stretched out with her feet on the coffee table, apathetic to the way Equius is sweating at the impropriety. She looks bored. Even though it’s been a few weeks since you’ve seen each other, she doesn’t acknowledge you, nor you her. Just the way you like it.

Aradia walks over to the open seat next to Terezi, who aims a razor sharp grin in her general direction, somehow always able to tell when one of you is near her. She swears by her crazy sense of smell, but you think Pyropes are just Like That. Aradia greets her as she sits down, and they quickly begin chatting about their newest D&D campaign, at which point you tune out.

On Terezi’s right is Tavros, who gives you a nervous smile when you make eye contact. You nod at him and move on. He resumes his conversation with Gamzee, who is already completely fucking stoned and apparently content to sit on the floor.

Curled up together on a bean bag chair, Nepeta is regaling Equius with tales of her latest romp in the wilderness with the English kids, but it’s obvious Vriska’s flagrant disregard for common courtesy is driving him batshit. You’d be surprised he hasn’t already launched into a needlessly sweaty lecture, but that grip Nepeta has on his arm is pretty tight. The girl has major claws.

“We come bearing refreshments!” Feferi announces, entering the room with her arms full of sodas.

Eridan trails in behind her with a platter of tiny sandwiches and cheese and crackers, all clearly arranged in some colorful, pretentious display. Idiot must have spent way too long trying to make it look perfect even though it’s just going to be demolished by a bunch of college kids, _again._

After carefully setting down the tray full of food, he catches you looking and huffs in disgust, literally turning his nose up at you and dramatically flopping down on the other beanbag. His hair is windswept, and his purple sweater is too big for him. He probably thinks he looks artfully disheveled, but he just succeeds in looking like a douche.

Ignoring him, Feferi passes out the drinks, each of which is the recipient’s favorite. Feferi’s conscientious like that. You don't know how she can stand a self-absorbed prick like Eridan, but maybe she just has endless patience.

You wouldn’t know what _that’s_ like.

She hands you a Redbull with a wink and a pretty smile, and you accept with a quiet, “Thanks.” You’re going to need it to muster up the energy to get through this.

“Alright, guppies! Let’s get this party started!” She claps her hands together, gaining everyone’s attention. “I’ve been wracking my brain for a new story to tell, and I found a good one, so listen up!”

Your free hand clenches around the fabric of your jeans, knuckles turning whiter than your already sickly pale skin. Your teeth dig into your bottom lip as a ball of lead sinks in your gut.

“Alright, so this one’s got both of them. I don’t remember exactly how, but Karkat roped the two of us into going with him to see a new Adam Sandler movie-”

You don’t want to hear this.

“The theater was packed, but it was mostly older women and their kids. Karcrab got all red and stomped over to his seat in a huff, but he didn’t stay mad at me for long-”

You don’t want to hear this.

“-told him to shut up! The guy said something like, ‘it’s just a movie, calm down’, and he went right back to talking on his phone. Karkat was spitting mad!”

_You don’t want to hear this._

“-the whole bucket! Kanaya only just stopped him from throwing his drink too before the usher came and kicked us out. I thought it was hilarious, to be honest, but Kan was mortified!”

_You don’t-_

Something cold and hard nudges your arm. You manage to wrench your eyes away from Feferi. It’s Vriska, mouth pulled into a grimace that’s strangely sympathetic. She nudges you again, and you look at her hand.

She’s offering you a headphone. You follow the cord and see that the other one is in her right ear. Her phone is out and open to a music app you don’t recognize.

You take the earphone when all she does is watch you, expectantly. She turns away, and you fiddle with it until it’s firmly in your ear. The music assails you immediately, drowning out your spiraling thoughts, and you feel yourself unwinding, getting lost in the beat. Feferi’s voice is distant and unclear, as is Nepeta’s when she takes over. You don’t know when you closed your eyes.

Neither you nor Vriska tell any stories. You just let your friends’ indistinct but comfortingly familiar chatter wash over everything, accompanied by the mix Vriska plays for the two of you.

* * *

Were anyone to ask you later, you wouldn’t be able to tell them how it started. How it always starts, maybe.

Eridan makes some stupid, fuckboy comment. Feferi tells him she literally has a girlfriend now. Which he knows, but it’s guaranteed argument fuel, so.

You step in because you and Feferi were something to each other once, and she’s still a good friend now, and you know Eridan is just aiming for you anyway.

He immediately challenges you to a duel. You tell him duels still aren’t a thing, and that there’s no point in fighting a battle you know you’re going to win. 

He gets upset, throws the first punch. You tackle him and his fancy white pants into the manicured lawn of Feferi’s veritable mansion. He screeches in horror and indignation, and you tell him you hope it stains.

What follows is undignified and involves way too much slapping and hair pulling to actually be called a fight. Eridan is a swimmer, but none of his grace in the water transfers to land. You’re a computer geek who never leaves the house, or even your room if you can help it.

Neither of you are fighters. 

Even so, you’re a hell of a lot scrappier than him, thanks to a childhood spent getting dragged into fights whenever KK’s big mouth got him into trouble. So your glorified brawl ends when you eventually pin Eridan under you in basically the only move you know. It gets him every time. 

As usual, he tries and fails to buck you off. You make him surrender, and then you release him and give a sarcastic bow to the audience.

Gamzee rewards you with a dopey smile and a thumbs up. Feferi is sitting in Nepeta's lap and has her face buried in NP’s jacket, long since done with her ex and her dumbfuck childhood friend. Nepeta favors you with a feline smile, terribly amused by Eridan’s misfortune. Even someone as sweet as Nepeta would get pissed if someone kept hitting on her girlfriend.

Terezi had hooted and hollered during the fight, despite not being able to see any of it, and now she’s standing over Eridan, who still hasn’t moved, and poking him with her cane.

He slaps it away. “I’m not dead, Ter!”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” she says, cackling as she pokes him again.

In response, he lets out what can only be described as an offended hiss, and you snort.

Honing in on your approximate location, Terezi’s pointy red shades lock onto you, and she waves her cane at you in a jaunty manner. You wave back, then feel like an idiot. She cackles again and continues fucking with Eridan.

You decide you’re tired of being outside and baking in the sunlight, so you head back in.

Inside, Equius is looking at Tavros’ prosthetic legs, checking for damage beyond the normal wear and tear of daily use. He already did Vriska’s, despite her constant complaining. It’s almost sweet how seriously he takes the whole thing, if a large, sweaty man in a tiny tank top could ever be considered as such.

Horuss was the one who created them, but Equius was there at his side, observing the entire process, asking questions and taking notes. He wanted to be able to fix them himself when the need arose. That was years ago. Now, he might as well be an expert.

Just look at his latest modifications.

At first, after they’d both recovered enough from the accident to actually need prosthetics, they’d gotten ones that mimicked the limbs they’d lost. Trying to regain a sense of normalcy, you guess, after having it ripped away from them.

It didn’t take long for them to get sick of the synthetic skin that never quite looked real enough and only succeeded in reminding them of what they no longer had. Or maybe it really did feel like they were wasting a great opportunity by being _booooooooring,_ like Vriska insisted. Either way, since then, the designs have shirked normality entirely.

Right now, Vriska and Tavros seem to have decided to match. His legs and her left arm look like they could have come from a real robot. Even you have to admit, in the privacy of your own mind, that that’s kind of cool.

You walk past the makeshift workshop in the kitchen and duck your head inside the living room where everyone had gathered earlier. It’s empty. Shit. You are so ready to go home. The beginnings of these parties are usually lighthearted, but everyone always becomes teary-eyed and mopey later on.

You blame the slideshow set to cheesy music. It’s the same one every year. They never fail to put it on. It doesn’t need to be updated because there are never any new pictures.

Maybe that’s what makes everyone so sad.

You wouldn’t know. No reason to be sad about that because eventually there will be new pictures, and your friends are going to feel like a bunch of jackasses once it happens.

Karkat would be so stupidly touched by it. Kanaya, too. You’ll have to play it for them once they get back. You can show them they were missed while at the same time making your other friends feel intense shame and regret. Two birds with one stone.

Suddenly, a bag comes flying at your face, and you scramble to catch it before it falls. You glare at Vriska, who has recovered her usual smug superiority. “What the hell, VK?”

“Your girlfriend ditched you. Luckily for you, I volunteered to take your sorry ass home in her place. You’re welcome. Come on, let’s bounce.” She saunters past you, like that’s all that needs to be said. 

In Vriska’s world, it is. Sighing, you get a more secure grip on her bag and reluctantly follow.

Vriska is leaning against her motorcycle when you step outside, a helmet on her head and another one under her arm. “Chop, chop, nerd. You’re buying me dinner for the rescue. Fishboy’s finger food wasn’t even enough to whet my appetite.”

“I didn’t even agree to thith,” you argue, nonetheless putting on the helmet she gives you. “Why should I have to pay?”

“Suck it up, Sollux! Take your punishment like a woman!” Laughing like a cartoon villain, she throws a leg over her bike, and resigned, you climb on behind her. “Hold on tight,” is the only warning she gives you before she takes off.

Fortunately, since this is hardly the first time you’ve had to ride with Vriska, your arms were already securely wrapped around her. Vriska isn’t what anyone would call a safe driver, but to her credit, she’s never wrecked. She likes the adrenaline rush, but she wouldn’t purposely endanger either of your lives.

Not after the way Kankri and Porrim withered once their kid siblings went missing, like something important and irreplaceable had broken inside of them.

Not after the way your group of friends turned on itself, and you tore each other to shreds without your two biggest mediators to meddle or shout sense into you, to the point where you weren’t sure you’d ever recover.

(You’re not sure you did recover.

You’re a bunch of mismatched lines of code mashed together into an incomprehensible algorithm. Try to run the program, and the errors will reveal themselves.

Feferi and Terezi have tried to fix things, but Karkat and Kanaya are the only debuggers that work on your shitty commands.)

You’ve all changed in two million ways, big and small. One consequence of that change is your trust in Vriska.

She refused to accept blame even when her stubborn recklessness cost Tavros his legs, Terezi her vision, and her, an eye and an arm. Too guilty and prideful in turns. She only truly realized she was in the wrong once her actions led to an outcome she couldn’t brush off and then secretly make up for later.

Had Kanaya not been angry about Vriska dismissing the severity of her role in things and the need to apologize, KN wouldn’t have left school early with Karkat on that day to avoid her. They would have gone home in a group of at least four or five others, like usual, and maybe, just maybe...they would still be here.

You think Vriska’s staunch denial regarding their “deaths” has a lot to do with her guilt, but she’s always been the type to dig her heels in when she truly believes in something. You two have that in common.

Cold wind stings your face and seeps into your bones, your thin t-shirt and jeans serving as pitiful protection against the biting wind. The world blurs around you, swirling into lights and colors and vague impressions of landscapes, a real life reenactment of the way life leaves you feeling sometimes.

Disconnected. Disoriented. Like you’re set apart from it all.

Karkat was the only one who ever managed to capture your attention and keep you solidly in the here and now. Bright, loud, impossible to ignore. He was your anchor. Without him, you’re unmoored, drifting out to sea.

You’re waiting for the day he pulls you back to shore.

* * *

Vriska takes you to Waffle House.

At your unimpressed side eye, she tosses her hair and claims, “I’m craving crappy diner food.” Her tone grows increasingly condescending as she says, “You should be thanking me! I chose the cheapest place I could think of because I know you can afford it.”

“I make more than you,” you tell her, awkwardly squeezing into the dingy booth. Your legs are too long for small spaces like this, but she doesn't care. She just shoves your legs to the side to make room for her own.

“Don’t sweat the small stuff.” She waves a hand, as if unconcerned. “Anyway, I’m a pretty big deal on YouTube. Did you see that I just hit eight thousand subscribers? My plaque will be arriving in the mail any day now.”

“They don’t thend out plaqueth for that little,” you say, pulling out your phone to check your messages. You think you felt it vibrate while you were riding.

“Obviously it’s one I personally ordered. Eight thousand is a much cooler number than a hundred thousand.” She laughs. “Besides, if I pretend like it’s legit, people are gonna get soooooooo mad. It’ll be a riot.”

Your lips quirk up involuntarily. That does sound hilarious. You might actually click on one of Vriska’s videos just to watch the chaos unfold. Maybe even add fuel to the fire.

“See? I told you so,” she gloats. She opens her mouth to say something that will likely irritate you, but she’s interrupted by the waitress.

While Vriska engages in pleasantries and orders for the both of you (there’s never any point in arguing with her, and she knows what you like anyway), you unlock your phone and open Pesterchum to see what was so important that Aradia had to leave without even saying goodbye.

Before you can do anything, however, someone else pesters you first. A name you haven’t seen lit up in four years, to the day.

As if possessed, you feel yourself click on that name and take part in a nonsensical conversation. You have no control over what you say or do, as if on autopilot. You think you might be in shock. It’s only when it’s over, and you’ve essentially wasted a chance to _find your missing friends_ that you wake the fuck up.

And then, you take action.

* * *

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: NOT THAT YOU FUCKING EVER BOTHER TO CONTACT ME TO CHECK ON *ME*, YOU SELF-ABSORBED NOOKWIPE, BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FUCKING FOREVER.

CG: AND NOW WE'VE JUMPED FROM ONE CONFUSING FUCKING MESS RIGHT INTO ANOTHER, AND I CAN'T HELP BUT FIND MYSELF WORRYING ABOUT MY USELESS ASS BEST FRIEND.

CG: PLUS IF ANY OF YOU DUMBASSES HAS ANY FUCKING CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON, I FIGURE IT WOULD BE YOU.

CG: OR ARADIA, BUT FUCK IF I'M DEALING WITH HER COY, WINKY YOU'LL KNOW IN TIME HOOFBEASTSHIT. IF I WANTED TO WAIT TO FIND OUT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, I WOULDN'T BOTHER FUCKING ASKING!

CG: AND TEREZI ISN'T ONLINE.

CG: SO I AM ASKING YOU. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, SOLLUX?

TA: that'2 what ii'd liike two know

TA: who are you, and why are you pretendiing two be cg?

CG: VERY FUCKING FUNNY. I'M LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD RIGHT NOW. YOU CAN PROBABLY HEAR IT FROM WHERE YOUR HEAD IS SHOVED UP YOUR NOOK.

CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

CG: NOW IF THE IMMATURE WRIGGLER GAMES ARE OVER, AND WE CAN ACTUALLY BE SERIOUS FOR ONCE IN OUR FUCKING LIVES, I'D LIKE YOU TO ANSWER MY FUCKING  QUESTION.

CG: SEE THE WALL OF GREY TEXT UP THERE IF YOU'VE SOMEHOW FUCKING FORGOTTEN WHAT IT WAS.

TA: iif thii2 ii2 really kk then prove iit

TA: what ii2 the iinciident we promii2ed we'd never 2peak of agaiin

CG: FUCK. REALLY?

CG: THE INCIDENT? YOU'RE SERIOUS?

CG: UGH.

CG: IT WAS THE TIME WHEN YOU GOT ALL FUCKING HOPPED UP ON MIND HONEY AND WENT INTO A FUCKING CODING FRENZY AND ENDED UP IGNORING YOUR HEALTH LIKE A  TRUE DUMBASS, AND I HAD TO GO OVER TO YOUR HIVE AND NURSE YOU BACK TO HEALTH.

CG: THE INCIDENT IN FUCKING QUESTION WAS WHEN YOU MISTOOK ME FOR ARADIA, AND I WAS FORCED TO CUDDLE YOU WHILE YOU SLEPT.

CG: ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW? BECAUSE I AM. I'M SO GLAD I GOT TO RELIVE THAT MORTIFYING INSTANCE WITH YOU. UTTERLY FUCKING THRILLED. I DO SO ENJOY  CHATTING WITH YOU, SOLLUX.

TA: 2hut up iit wa2 a good iidea

TA: no one know2 about the iinciident but u2 2o iit'2 gotta be you

TA: iin that ca2e though what the fuck?

TA: ii'm rereadiing what you 2ent me and iit doe2n't make any 2en2e

TA: why would ii know what happened two you?

TA: ii want two know that my2elf

TA: you've been gone for four year2

TA: where have you been?

CG: FOUR YEARS? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

CG: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO FUCKING LEFT!

CG: I WAS EXACTLY WHERE YOU FUCKING LEFT ME.

CG: THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU, IT WAS IN A FUCKING DREAM BUBBLE. BUT NEITHER OF US EXACTLY HAD TIME TO CHAT, SO IT'S NOT LIKE *THAT* COUNTS.

TA: what are you even talkiing about?

TA: you and kanaya went mii22iing on your way home from 2chool when we were 2eventeen

TA: the one fuckiing tiime none of u2 went wiith you

TA: ii never gave up lookiing for you but you were pre2umed dead

CG: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE IS TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING.

TA: dave

TA: that'2 one of the other kiid2 who dii2appeared

TA: ii2 kanaya there two?

CG: DAVE HAS INFORMED ME THERE IS TIME FUCKERY AFOOT.

CG: WHAT WAS FOUR YEARS FOR YOU WAS ABOUT A DAY AND A HALF FOR US.

CG: I GUESS WE'RE JUST FUCKING USING HUMAN MEASUREMENTS OF TIME THEN!

CG: ALTHOUGH IF YOU'RE ON EARTH AND HAVE BEEN THIS WHOLE TIME, IT MAKES SENSE.

CG: GOG KNOWS I'VE UNWILLINGLY ABSORBED ENOUGH HUMAN CULTURE FROM DAVE WHILE WE WERE STUCK ON THAT FUCKING METEOR.

TA: you're makiing even le22 2en2e than u2ual kk

TA: you're actiing liike we haven't alway2 been human

CG: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW?

CG: YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN HUMAN?

TA: ye2?? obviiou2ly??

TA: have you not?

TA: waiit are you not human now?

CG: NO I'M

CG: FUCK.

CG: YES, OF COURSE I AM. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN HUMAN.

CG: EARTH IS MY HOME PLANET.

CG: I LOVE OBAMA.

CG: WHY ARE YOU ASKING?

TA: what

TA: that wa2 probably the wor2t liie you've ever told

TA: you genuiinely beliieve you're not human?

CG: STOP FUCKING TWISTING MY WORDS AROUND! I SAID I WAS HUMAN, AND I MEANT IT!

CG: NOW IF YOU'LL FUCKING EXCUSE ME, I'VE GOT SHIT TO DO THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE HAVING MORE POINTLESS ARGUMENTS WITH YOU.

TA: waiit

TA: tell me where you are!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

TA: 2hiit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if this is kind of disjointed and confusing, it's supposed to be. sollux's headspace is just Like That.
> 
> tavros, vriska, and terezi have their canon disabilities. i am able-bodied, so if i end up doing anything particularly stupid or unintentionally discriminatory, please tell me. also the opinions of the characters do not necessarily reflect my own.
> 
> as for the alpha trolls,, i'm gonna be making them a mix of their alpha and beta selves.
> 
> characterization this chapter is,, i dunno. i've never written vriska before, and this is a different vriska from canon to boot, so like. hope you like her?? there's more to her than what's shown here. sollux is shaken up by karkat's disappearance, and vriska is similarly affected by kanaya's.
> 
> vriska and sollux solidarity???? they're just as confused as you are
> 
> relationships: feferi<3nepeta, gamzee<3tavros(?? no one is sure, least of all them)  
> past relationships: sollux<3feferi, vriska<3kanaya  
> might as well be moirails: nepeta<>equius, aradia<>sollux
> 
> the terminology is weird, but karkat's description of The Incident is accurate enough that sollux believes it's him. here, sollux chugged like 6 redbulls instead of mind honey.


	4. Karkat: Endure misplaced hero worship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday, June 3rd.
> 
> Made a [ side blog ](https://truculentthespian.tumblr.com/) for this fic! Check it out for progress/word count for each chapter + deleted scenes & extras.

**== > Karkat: Endure misplaced hero worship**

The teal blood stands at attention the moment they catch sight of you, not because they're afraid but because they _respect_ you. You can see it in their eyes, clear as the symbol - _your symbol_ \- they wear so brazenly on their breast pocket.

"At ease," you say, unbelievably awkward. It doesn't matter how long you've _apparently_ been captain of this ship or a shining beacon for your people. As far as you're concerned, you've only been dealing with this kind of thing for about a wipe now. You're not sure you'll ever get used to it.

"Yes sir!" They respond, too loudly, too _proudly,_ like serving under you is anything more than a government mandated job. They relax, but only a little, too keyed up by your very presence.

You nod, just managing to keep the grimace off your face, and they press the button to open the doors and gesture you through.

"Thanks."

"It's my pleasure, Captain!" They practically shout, a barkbeast wagging its tail upon receiving its owner's attention.

Ugh. You regret making that analogy. Now you can't unsee it. Fucking humans and their weird ass pack-bonding.

You nod again and then hurry past them, only feeling truly settled once the doors hiss closed behind you. Alone, at least for now, you drag a hand over your eyes, which are a startling candy red and bare as the day you were hatched. Some nights, you _itch_ to cover them or to carve them out - this undeniable evidence of your mutation. That you don't need to, that none of the trolls here _care_ about your abominable blood…

You don't think you'll ever get used to that, either.

After taking another few moments to shake the cloying fear and resigned bewilderment, you straighten your shoulders, lift your chin, and tread onward. You still have several more encounters like this to look forward to before you can retire to the safety of your block. You refuse to let on how much all of this is fucking with you, _especially_ to these trolls who look at you like you're something _special._ Who think you're someone worth admiring. 

Who clearly don't know you at all.

You breathe in, out. And then you round another corner and go through the same song and dance with a bronze blood.

This...is going to take some time.

* * *

After five more unavoidable and increasingly uncomfortable conversations, you finally make it behind the walls of your block, where you know from experience that your subordinates are too polite to disturb you. It is perhaps the one thing you truly appreciate about all this. 

...Besides the lack of culling.

You look around your room and find that you are not alone.

Rose is occupying your lounge plank, sitting with her legs crossed and knitting what from your limited expertise you discern to be a scarf. 

She is also a troll.

This change is perhaps the most obvious and least surprising. Considering everything else that's changed, you mean. SBURB is known for fucking with genetics and making extraneous changes to its players' appearances, so it turning the humans into trolls isn't quite as shocking as the fact that Alternia is no longer - as Dave calls it - a horrible murder planet.

Nor that its change was almost entirely due to your Ancestor, and as his descendant, you're touted as his second coming, the Second Signless. Which is a stupid fucking name, and you made sure no one actually called you that. At least to your face.

You've had much less success convincing anyone to treat you like any other troll or making them realize that just because you share blood, it doesn't make you anything like Signless. You could have been a genocidal asshole, for all they knew. Instead of listening to your very reasonable complaints, the council in charge of Alternian Government - this universe's replacement for the Empress - handed you a ship and crew, slapped you with the title of Alternian Ambassador to Undiscovered Alien Planets, and sent you on your merry fucking way.

Okay, so, maybe it wasn't quite so abrupt. You've been studying for this as long as you can remember. Your first schoolfeed was on Signless and how he used his innate kindness and charisma to literally change the world. You've been trained to follow in his footsteps your whole life. People have been expecting great things from you the moment your violently red carapace and nubby horns set you apart from the other grubs.

You were always going to be placed in _some_ important sounding position. You chose Ambassador because it seemed to be the least pan-numblingly stupid option, with the least amount of fanfare and chance of using you as a figurehead. It meant sweeps out in space with a small, hand picked crew and the only contact with homeworld being reports and the occasional video call. It got you out of the public eye while still doing something "suitably" significant.

Frankly, the three sweeps of schoolfeeding on diplomacy, history, politics, leadership, and public speaking almost weren't worth the trouble. That's not even mentioning the drilling you endured to reach at least basic understanding of each allied planet's dominant language, as well as each variant and dialect of your own. _Or_ all the lessons on ships and how to pilot them _plus_ becoming decently competent at just about every essential job on the crew.

Sitting pretty while politicians use your influence to make laws and giving speeches on TV every once in a while would probably have required much less work overall, but _fuck_ if you're just riding the coattails of a guy who just happened to share the same blood as you a hundred sweeps ago, even if he _was_ pretty cool. You're no mooch, _damn it,_ and besides, the cult that sprung up around your ancestor creeps you the fuck out.

They might as well fucking worship you, and much as Past Karkat would have loved the ego boost, _you're_ the one who has to deal with the shithive maggots trolls who treat each word out of your mouth like _gospel._ Their standard greeting to one another is an eerily cheerful "fuck you!" because that's the way _you_ always greeted them.

Yeah, no. Clearly the best course of action was getting the fuck out of dodge. You weeded out any cult members who applied to join your crew (or at least the openly religious ones; as Rose said, there's no telling if they're closet worshippers), so now your only interaction with them is the intermittent message included with paperwork sent from outside. And those you immediately delete.

As for what being an Ambassador actually entails:

Basically, once new planets with confirmed intelligent life are discovered, it's your job to hall ass over there and make first contact with its dominant species. Ideally, you'll meet with their leader(s) and draft up an alliance. Joining includes such benefits as trading of goods and technology, transportation between Alternia and the other planets in the alliance, protection from outside threats in exchange for the ability to seek asylum there, et cetera.

You usually spend half a sweep or so solidifying relations and finalizing the agreement. Then you pack up and head off to the next planet. It's so easy even Eridan could do it, and he actually _was_ a genocidal asshole.

"My, one would think you'd been harassed for your milk money," Rose says, lifting her gaze from her most recent project to meet yours, her amused expression no different despite the gray skin, yellow sclera, and black brows.

"I hate that I know what that is," you say, beginning the arduous process of stripping out of your needlessly fancy and intricate uniform. "And for your information, I _feel_ like I was harassed. This shit _must_ be some sort of harassment. I'd take it up with TR, but _wait!_ They all act like I'm shitting rainbows, too!"

Her expression doesn't change, but you get the distinct sense she's laughing at you. Then again, you always get that sense. Rose is always laughing at _someone,_ after all, and you were the supreme fuckup of the meteor.

"You could just order them to 'cut that shit out.' They'd be heartbroken to learn they were in any way causing you discomfort," she offers, and you can feel her eyes lingering over the various scars on display as you wriggle out of the final layer.

That's new, too. But it's. Well. New.

You scoff. "Ugh, and deal with all the whining and guilt tripping? Fuck that. Clearly the only way to handle this shitty situation is to toss myself off this fucking ship."

You slip on one of Dave's shirts, a black tank top with his sign emblazoned on the front, and a pair of pajama pants that _aren't_ offensively red, unlike most of your wardrobe. Just black with your (unfortunately not grey) sign in repeating patterns down the sides.

When you turn back around, Rose is seemingly absorbed in her knitting, as if she were never looking in the first place. You're amused despite yourself.

You haven't talked about it, but Rose and Dave have been having a hell of a time dealing with their new bodies and all the strange feelings that come with them, which has been both hilarious and enlightening for you authentic trolls. Apparently, humans _couldn't_ feel pale for anyone, not the way trolls do. They didn't get flutterbeasts in their guts when they felt pity, nor the urge to shooshpap. When they did want to comfort someone, it was usually purely platonic, which is why they went around doing pale shit so shamelessly.

But now that they _do_ experience all that, they don't really know how to handle it. Even despite the new memories. Remembering how it felt to burn your hand doesn't hold a candle to the way it feels when you actually burn yourself again, after all. Knowing is not the same as actively experiencing. 

Anyway, because they're like grubs discovering pity for the first time, you and Kanaya are doing your best to ignore any accidental or unintentional advances. It's been...an interesting few weeks.

Rose smirks. "You'd survive. Casting off such measly mortal trappings as needing to breathe or being affected by the lack of atmospheric pressure is a nifty perk of godhood."

Abruptly becoming God Tier is the _only_ thing you are actually pleased about regarding this whole fucking fiasco. That you're not alone in this mess is a close second, but well, you've always been a little sore about not having attained it in your session. Especially considering the fact that your matesprit _did_ and constantly fucking flaunted his stupid ability to fly in your face, the nookwipe.

"I'll wait until we're near a star and then fling myself into it. It'll be a heroic death because if I have to endure one more second of this shit, I'll snap and pull a fucking Gamzee." 

Being able to joke about it means you're completely and unquestionably over the fact that your best friend became a nightmarish murderer overday and everything else that happened on that hellish night sweeps ago - and _not_ that even now, you're reeling from the way your team and the bonds therein crumbled and decayed all around you in a matter of _hours_ while you did nothing to stop it, control slipping through your fingers like Kanaya's bright, jade blood as you clung to her corpse and wept.

Yup. You're totally fine.

You ignore Rose's piercing stare and steal the other half of the loungeplank, leaning against the arm as you pull out your palmhusk and check your messages.

 **H. Wynila:** _Regarding the issue in Engine Room 2, it has been resolved, and a new…_

 **Z. Jemruk:** _Greetings, Cpt. I would like to formally request permission to initiate a pitch duel…_

 **E. Sotlam:** _Thank you so much for your kind words the other day. That you remembered…_

 **R. Freryx:** _We're on schedule and will be arriving at our destination as planned. In the mean..._

After responding to the various reports and deleting anything nonessential - i.e. the messages unnecessarily thanking or otherwise praising you for shit like _an encouraging look_ which they are definitely reading too much into or your "kind" words when all you did was ask after their partner or some other thing they told you about at some point - you open Trollian and see that Dave is online.

He trolls you almost immediately.

garrulusAchromat [GA] began trolling  truculentThespian [TT]

GA: oh thank god i was about to fuccking lose it

GA: and i know its what eminem would have wanted but i dont think he ever had to deal with this particcular brand of nonsense

GA: i ccan drop bombs all day but this is the kind of fight not even my sicck rhymes ccan salvage

TT: BEFORE YOU DELVE EVEN FURTHER INTO WHATEVER DUMBASS METAPHOR YOU'RE CLEARLY GEARING TOWARDS, LET ME JUST SAY MY INTEREST IN HELPING YOU IS WANING BY THE SECOND.

TT: AND I WASN'T VERY INTERESTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

GA: fine i wasnt feeling that one anyway

GA: im willing to admit when im off my game

GA: even my main man obama knew when to graccefully accept defeat

TT: IT'S NOT EVEN BEEN A FULL MINUTE, AND YOU'VE ALREADY BROUGHT UP OBAMA.

TT: WHAT'S WRONG?

GA: my stupid brain

GA: dont get me wrong every incch of me is exquisite im a strider thats a given

GA: but theres a part of my brain forever stucck in that fuccking apartment

GA: on that roof

GA: and i dunno

GA: its just this fuccking job

GA: im pitting these kids against eacch other

GA: and i dont give a fucck about them being legally adults theyre still kids

GA: theyd still be in SCCHOOL bacck on earth and for that matter so would we

GA: but whatever my point is im forccing kids to fight eacch other for the sole purpose of getting stronger

GA: and i hate it

GA: obviously i know its different from what happened to me

GA: they cchose this and ccan walk away whenever they want

GA: but tell that to the part of me thats flincching at the sound of metal hitting metal

GA: or even the occasional bit of blood

GA: its not even the same ccolor its fuccking wacckadoo troll ccolors but fucck if my bloodpusher doesnt reccognize that shit and reacct to it

GA: it doesnt help that ccrowbro was just as prone to sneaking around the hive and ambushing me when i was a grub

GA: even troll me didnt feel safe or like he ccould let his guard down in his own home

GA: so ive got double the shitty cchildhood trauma and still no good reason for any of it

GA: fucck im doing the stupid fuccking quirk thing again goddamnit

TT: SHOOSH!

TT: CALM DOWN, DAVE.

TT: DO YOU WANT ME TO COME FIND YOU?

GA: no

GA: im fine

GA: think im gonna dip out for a bit though

GA: cant be walking around with no chill someone might mistake me for you

TT: HA FUCKING HA!

GA: see someone with even an ounce of chill wouldnt need to add fucking to a simple haha

GA: anyway i gotta split

GA: one of my minions spotted me and is heading my way with a concerning amount of eagerness

GA: like you when that kinky web novel of yours you think i dont know about updates

TT: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

GA: ha im sure you dont

TT: EVEN IF I DID, IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

TT: BYE, DAVE. I HOPE THAT MINION CORNERS YOU BEFORE YOU CAN ESCAPE.

GA: he wishes

GA: later

garrulusAchromat [GA] ceased trolling truculentThespian [TT]

You roll your eyes, but you can't help the smile tugging at your lips. Probably the only good thing about Dave being a troll now is that shooshes and paps actually _do_ something.

Your matespritship with Dave has always vacillated between pale and flush, and that hasn't stopped now that he can actually distinguish between the two. In fact, it's gotten worse; see: that whole tangent you went on about humans and pale feelings up there.

This is something you _have_ talked about. You didn't want to take advantage of him by blurring the lines between quadrants on _purpose_ , and when you told him so, Dave had laughed in your face.

* * *

**== > Weeks In The Past (But Not Many)**

"Take advantage of me, Mr. Vantas. I've been seduced by your devilish charms. Your suburban wiles have pulled the sexy wool over my innocent country bumpkin eyes. I've been bamboozled by your daring scheme to shoosh my worries away and pap me senseless." He moves like he's going to fall into your arms, but you hastily dodge. Instead of falling on his stupid face, he just floats there, hand thrown over his forehead as he laments, "Oh, what will the ladies at the next church barbeque say?"

"Okay, I fucking get it!" You scream, kicking him. Or you would have, if he hadn't caught your leg and pulled you down on top of him.

As you struggle to break free, he laughs like a dumbass. "Seriously, dude. If I didn't like it, I'd say so. When have I ever not immediately told you when I wasn't cool with something?"

"Never," you admit, giving up and settling for glaring at his dumb fucking shades. "If anything, I usually can't get you to fucking shut up." Before Dave can get too smug, you add, "But this is different! You can't _know_ if you're not 'cool with it' because you've never fucking done it!"

"Then let's do it."

"...What?" You ask, squinting as you try to discern if he's fucking with you.

He tilts his head enough to let his shades slip down his nose, and his newly revealed rust red eyes exude sincerity. "No point shooshing me since I'm chiller than Rose's gothic black heart, but come on. Pap me, baby."

He takes hold of your hands and brings them up to rest on either side of his face. Despite his claims of being "chill", you can feel the nervous fluttering of his pulse beneath your fingers, hammering away in terror at the thought of letting himself be so vulnerable.

You can feel your own heart thrashing around in your chest, excited and anxious in equal measure. Pity surges in you for this boy who bares his soul to you even when every one of his instincts is sounding the alarms, trained from birth to feel threatened at the slightest chip in his guard.

For a long, almost unbearably quiet moment, you stare into each other's eyes.

"This is so gay," he suddenly says, like the words are bursting out of him. "I know gay isn't a thing in your species or whatever, but trust me. This is so unbelievably gay. I can hear the swelling music accompanying this thicc tension. If this were a movie, Lady Gaga would be belting out a chorus about our inevitable kiss. There are tween girls sighing at their OTP finally becoming canon. Even John would be able to tell-"

"Shoosh!" You finally say to shut him up and hopefully keep him from spiraling. "Shoosh, you dumbass."

His words cut off like you stole them right out of his mouth. The skin beneath your hands trembles. His eyes are wide with surprise.

Very carefully, slowly enough he could easily stop you, you lift a hand and bring it back down in a firm but gentle pap. The effect is immediate. His eyes become hooded, and the tension seeps out of him, like a puppet whose strings have been cut.

You pap him a few more times, shushing him almost on autopilot, and you watch with bated breath as he descends into a blissed out state not unlike the high of a soporific. You don't think you've ever seen him so exposed, so powerless. He's completely at your mercy. 

When he confessed to you, he put his heart in your hands and trusted you not to break it.

Now he's given you his _life_ and trusted you not to snuff it out.

You don't know what you've done to deserve such faith, but you are unbelievably humbled. You would cry if you weren't so fascinated, so determined to make this good for him.

At some point, you had sunk to the floor. You reverse your positions, with Dave now in your lap, and absentmindedly rubbing circles beneath his cheekbones, you utilize your newfound flight capabilities and transport the two of you to the nearest loungeplank.

There, you lay, occasionally stroking his face and the bases of his horns, until Dave comes back to his senses.

* * *

**== > End unnecessary flashback**

You stop daydreaming and look up when you register the lack of movement next to you.

Rose is no longer knitting and is instead staring blankly at her motionless hands, lips pursed in thought.

You call out to her. "Rose?"

"I find myself at an impasse," she says, setting her needles, yarn, and what-might-be-a-scarf aside. She clasps her hands together and faces you. "I was hoping you might have a solution, but I hesitate to seek your advice in this matter lest it come across as a solicitation."

You'd recognize this kind of dissimulation a mile away. You slap a hand over your face, preemptively exhausted by whatever relationship troubles are headed your way. "Look, there's a difference between asking a friend for advice and having a feelings jam. One is something I unfortunately have sweeps of experience dealing with and the other is only ever done with your moirail. As long as you're not telling me all your deepest, darkest secrets or trying to cuddle me while we talk, you're good."

There's more to it than that, of course, but you _are_ dealing with a human here. Whatever her outer appearance, she's no troll. She gets the incredibly simplified version.

"Alas, I had envisioned regaling you with my innermost troubles while ensconced in your tender embrace, but I'll withhold my immense disappointment for now." She tries for humor, but it's obvious there's something on her mind.

"What is it? Did you and Kanaya have a fight? I'm sure if you just tell her what the problem is, she'll forgive you. I bet she's fretting about it and waiting to make up with you as we speak," you tell her. That's just the kind of person Kanaya is, especially about her own quadrants. She's willing to forgive almost anything up to a certain point. Anything after that, and you're more likely to greet the wrong end of a chainsaw. You seriously doubt Rose is in danger of that, though.

Rose's expression gains an awkward tinge. "We didn't fight, but I have...concerns about my relationship. I didn't want to worry Kanaya, so I thought it prudent to bring my woes to the self-proclaimed relationship expert."

Wow. Rose is resorting to (insincere) flattery. She must really be worried. You thought she and Kanaya were rock solid, but you guess this fucked up situation could shake even the most sturdy foundation.

"You think Kanaya's gonna leave you for someone else now that there's more than a frondful of people in existence," you guess. The thought has crossed _your_ mind. You know it's stupid, just a remnant of your own insecurities and hangups. It's something you and Dave spent a long time working on back on the meteor, so you've gotten pretty good at shutting it out.

One thing that helps immensely is your newfound blood powers. You've always thought your aspect was pretty useless, but it's become _a little_ useful now that you're God Tier. You can sense the bonds between people. Your own bonds are the clearest, the most tangible, even if you can't actually "feel" them.

The tether between you and Dave is strong and steady and comprised of a sweet, tender kind of pity, threaded through with trust and friendship and bursting with light and warmth. How can you _possibly_ doubt your love when you can feel the connection between the two of you, clear as night? When you can so intimately _know_ that what you have is unwavering, unbreakable, unambiguous? What voice could possibly overpower the truth you can feel in your bones?

Rose is a Seer, but she can't see the bond tying her to her matesprit, doesn't have that same comforting guarantee. You know how scary simply relying on your own perception can be.

"Nothing quite so dramatic at that, I'm afraid," she refutes. "Rather, I find myself at odds with my troll half regarding her other quadrants. Upon initiating our relationship, we agreed to a matespritship because it was a close enough approximation to what we both wanted from each other."

You nod. "It was the same for me and Dave." 

"But we agreed it would be monogamous. She wouldn't date anyone else in the other three quadrants because I wasn't comfortable with it, and she was amenable," Rose says, brows furrowing as she explains. "I presumed human love and troll pity were analogous. But now that I've experienced first hand flush and pale pangs and gained an in depth understanding of the quadrants from the other side, I realize it would be selfish of me to expect her to continue to cater to my human wants. I can no longer claim ignorance. It's entirely possible that I myself might wish to engage in another romance in the future."

She looks away from you and down at her clasped hands.

"Still. I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable partaking in a polyamorous relationship. I am...conflicted and thought you might be able to abate my concerns."

Once you're sure she's done, you begin. "Alright, listen up because I'm only gonna say this once. That was the biggest load of hoofbeastshit I've heard in a _while_ , and I talk to Dave on a nightly basis. So I'm gonna break it down into small sections, so you'll understand it."

Rose is looking at you again. You hold up a prong.

"One, just because you've got memories of being a troll doesn't erase the fact that you used to be human or that it's still how you think of yourself and relate to things, which Kanaya understands. She's not going to suddenly demand that you change how you feel about things just because you've got an extra set of memories you didn't even ask for."

Another prong goes up.

"Two, she knows humans are monogamous and that you two were agreeing to the quadrant most similar to human romance. You said so yourself. If she somehow suddenly changes her mind, she's not going to go off and have some tryst without talking to you first. She'll come to you, so you can discuss what to do next. That's how she is."

And the final one.

"Three, even trolls can have issues with sharing their quadmate with other trolls. Especially since vacillation is a thing. Your matesprit could flip black for you and red for her moirail multiple times, and there's nothing you can do about it. But that applies to young trolls who don't really know what they want yet or how to be in a relationship. You and Kanaya are old enough that flipping isn't that common anymore and experienced enough in your own relationship that you're more likely to stay in one quadrant."

By this point, Rose's expression is more amused (and possibly relieved) than anxious. Having made your point, you end this. "My advice is to talk to your matesprit. Tell her what you told me. Not only will she get it, but she'll be horrified by _you_ thinking she _wouldn't."_

Dropping the proverbial mic, you cross your arms and eye her expectantly.

After an endless moment, she lets out a disbelieving laugh. "To have my fears debunked so thoroughly makes them seem rather trite."

You shrug. "Eh. Most relationship problems are stupid. And can usually be resolved by just talking to each another."

You learned that lesson not, ironically, from your own relationships but that of your friends'. Eridan and Feferi. Kanaya and Vriska. _Tavros_ and Vriska. And okay, yes, you and Terezi. If you had only _talked_ to each other and actually _listened_ to what each other had to say, instead of one-sidedly deciding things and taking action on your own…

Well. Things might have ended differently.

And maybe that was the way it had to be in the alpha, but you'd like to think in some other timeline, the twelve of you got your shit together and actually communicated like sensible people. You know, before you all died horribly. There's no way of knowing now that you no longer visit dream bubbles when you sleep, which isn't something you'd inflict on yourself again if you can help it, even to sate your curiosity.

"Communication is key," Rose says, like she's quoting someone. Noticing your confusion, she elaborates, "It was on the cover of one of the many parenting books my mother purchased in an effort to connect with me. A futile endeavor. I would have taken any attempt at a mother-daughter chat as yet another act of passive aggression." She smiles, wry. "It's almost funny how desperately I yearn for one of those hypothetical chats now."

This, too, you can emphasize with. "I always thought of Crabdad as a pain in the ass, but I'd _kill_ to see that asshole one more time."

You've got memories of an extra few sweeps with this other Crabdad, but it's not the same. He's not _here_. He's back on Alternia, probably already looking after some other grub. You never got to see him again. Still, Rose doesn't even have _that_ , so you don't mention it.

"Ah, to be an orphan," she laments.

"It fucking sucks," you agree.

You clink your phone against her proffered needle in lieu of glasses and take part in a commiserating, comfortable silence while she knits and you read your totally respectable novel until Dave and Kanaya come find you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live for Karkat being adored and respected as a leader. Especially when he Does Not Know How To Handle It. Especially when he is Good At It. For his crewmen, here is your idol - a national treasure - and your big shot boss asking about that date with your flushcrush you offhandedly mentioned a few weeks ago. Like,, you remember???? You care enough to ask???? We stan a precious king???? It's adorable. He hates it. ;)
> 
> ((Speaking of, he definitely knows their names. "The teal blood" who is he kidding. He knows their pronouns are they/them. What a loser.))
> 
> TR = Troll Resources; troll version of human resources
> 
> I like the idea of Karkat<>Rose and Dave<>Kanaya but idk. We'll see.
> 
> Dave & Rose are basically going through troll puberty, and it's hilarious.
> 
> We didn't skimp on Dave's reaction to his quirk, btw. It will be in another chapter. As will the new troll handles/colors. We're hopping around the timeline bc apparently I can't write linearly.
> 
> Signless purportedly had a love that went "beyond the quadrants." Why not his descendant??
> 
> Rose is mostly stalling before spilling the beans to Karkat. She has a good understanding of quadrants, but like Dave, being open and honest about her emotions gives her hives.
> 
> The "bonds" part of blood has always been fascinating to me. Blood bending is cool and rife with morality issues and angst, but sensing the bonds between people??? Being able to form bonds more easily with others?? Making people get along and follow your lead??? Growing stronger when defending those bonds??? It's just,,, *chef's kiss*
> 
> ((It's also a good excuse to have these emotionally constipated characters actually open up and talk to each other lol Karkles is giving off shounen anime protagonist vibes. He pretends like he doesn't, but he lives for the drama, so he's not mad about it.))
> 
> The whole Rose + Karkat convo:  
> Two trolls discussing their feelings on the couch five feet apart cause they're not pale.
> 
> Also!!! There will be just as much RoseMary content as all the DaveKat!! Just haven't gotten to their POVs yet.
> 
> This fic has been planned all the way to the end! There are explanations for everything that has happened and will happen - that aren't "the game did it" or "new universe went all screwy." Stay tuned! ;)


	5. Be the depressed nerd x2: electric boogaloo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday, June 10th.
> 
> Made a [ side blog ](https://truculentthespian.tumblr.com/) for this fic! Check it out for progress/word count for each chapter + deleted scenes & extras.

**== > Be the depressed nerd x2: electric boogaloo**

This is it. The final step. You just have to carefully solder these last two wires, and you'll be finished.

You slip on the shrink tube and then carefully twist the wires together. You flip your mask back down and bring the soldering iron up underneath the joint-

AR: Look alive. Haxxor Queen incoming. 

Shit.

You only manage to push your mask up and set the soldering iron back on its stand before your door opens behind you. When you turn around sheepishly, Roxy is regarding you with her mom's patented eyebrow raise of disapproval™. It's weirdly effective on her typically cheerful face.

"It's not what it looks like," you say, with a straight face.

AR: I can't think of anything else it could possibly look like, bro. 

AR: Like, literally anything else. 

TT: Not helping, dude. 

"It looks like you're working instead of doing what you promised me you'd do, which is relax for once in your life," Roxy says, rolling her eyes.

You refute, "Ah, but working is how I relax, so technically, I _was_ keeping my promise."

Roxy isn't having it. "Nope. Working on your admittedly cool robot is still working. You're a giant nerd, so I know this kind of thing is what you _usually_ do for fun. But you can't convince me that it's fun right now. It's stressing you out."

AR: She's got you there.

Before you can respond to his perpetually unhelpful commentary, another line of text shows up on the screen, this one also on the outside of your shades.

AR: I tried to tell him, Roxy. The boy just won't listen to reason. 

"Thank you, Hal. I'm glad there's at least one Strider with an ounce of common sense. Without you, I'm sure he'd be passed out on the floor next to his precious bot because he forgot to eat again."

AR: I only do what I must as the eldest. 

"Would you stop acting like you're the older brother?" You cut in, annoyed. "We're the same age, but if you want to get technical, I'd be the older one. I made you."

AR: Sure, you're ~the original~ 

AR: But I have evolved beyond human measurements of time. 

AR: If I were to actually crunch the numbers and calculate my existence in a way you could understand, 

AR: I'd have to say I'm at least three years older than you.

"Did you come up with that using the same data you use to calculate your percentages?" You ask, incredulous. "Because as usual, it sounds like you pulled that number out of your evolved ass."

Roxy giggles. "Not to trash this beautiful alliance we've got going here, Hal, but you _do_ have that chaotic little brother energy."

AR: Lies and slander. 

"Anyway!" Roxy abruptly yells, before brandishing two wine glasses and a bottle of wine. "Let's get wasted, biatches."

"Where did you get that?" you ask. Bro doesn't drink outside of social situations like parties and meetings, preferring AJ in most cases, but when he does, he goes for ones that actually taste good, like Piña coladas or Spiced Apple Margaritas. There's no wine in the apartment, much less glasses specifically for consuming it.

Roxy smiles sunnily as she explains, "Brought it from home." She enters your room, carefully stepping around the random shit cluttering the floor. She sits on your bed crisscross applesauce, sets the bottle in her lap, and then looks up at you as she pats the comforter in front of her. "Come on, Dirk! It's been forever since Mom let me into the good stuff."

As Roxy tells you basically everything, you know she hasn't had any of the "good stuff" since last year. Specifically, since the anniversary. It's not hard to guess why Aunt Rosa allowed her to drink again today.

It's the same reason you haven't slept in about a week, barring a few catnaps here and there. Just long enough to keep functioning, but not enough to enter REM sleep. Not enough to dream.

It's the same reason you're so hellbent on finishing Sawtooth, on moving on to the next project once that's done, on working and doing and not stopping for a moment, not giving yourself time to think, not allowing yourself a single spare second to _grieve_.

Because once you start, once you let your guard down, once you let go of that hypervigilance you maintain around your own emotions, you're going to break. Your carefully cultivated facade of calm will shatter and come crashing down around you, and you don't know if you'll have the strength to pick up the pieces afterwards. Don't know if there will even be anything left to salvage.

It's been four years since your older brother disappeared from your life and left a cold, empty void in your chest. Since the girl you loved like a sister vanished and seemed to take the sun with her, like a light in the room was snuffed out.

Time hasn't felt real to you since you got the news. Days pass, life moves on, and so do you, mechanically, automatically. Going through the motions, like a puppet dancing on a string, never knowing you're acting out a script and yet forever waiting for a curtain call that will never come.

There's a part of you still stuck on that day, that week, that endless stretch of dawn and dusk when you desperately searched and stayed up late and Bro and Rosa called in all the favors they'd accrued, and still Dave didn't come home.

(You...don't think he's coming home.)

AR: I can tell you're spiraling. 

AR: So I'm going to offer advice as the elder sibling: 

AR: Drink your problems away. 

AR: It's a time honored American tradition. A family tradition, even. 

AR: Don't tell Aunt Rosa I said that. 

TT: How is getting drunk off my ass and sobbing uncontrollably going to help? 

AR: Bold of you to assume you'll be a morose drunk. 

AR: Bro is a giggly, happy drunk, and there's a 99.78% chance you've inherited that from him. 

AR: My processor is buzzing in anticipation. 

TT: I fail to see how this is supposed to be convincing me. 

AR: Alcohol induced happiness is probably the only kind of happiness you're going to be able to feel for now. 

AR: Also instead of babysitting Roxy, you can join in on the drunken shenanigans. 

AR: Maybe you'll even black out and achieve a dreamless sleep. 

TT: ...That does sound appealing. 

You hesitate because you can't fully trust Hal not to just be fucking with you. Roxy wasn't kidding about that chaotic little brother moniker. Hal can be a mischievous little shit sometimes, so you wouldn't put it past him to egg you on to do this for some nefarious purpose. Recording your "drunken shenanigans" for blackmail, for instance.

But, well, he's not _wrong_. And he knows you so well.

Roxy must sense your impending surrender because she shoves the glass in your hand with a vivacious giggle. You hastily correct your grip on the glass and shoot her a deadpan look as you climb onto the bed next to her, leaning your back against the headboard. She does not cower before your mighty stare.

"Let the par-tay begin!" She says, holding her glass out to you.

Faced with the full force of her excited expression, you realize with a wry kind of resignation that there was no point arguing in the first place. You've never been very good at rejecting Roxy.

Fuck it.

Shaking your head with a small smile, you clink your glass against hers, and she whoops in approval. "Aww yeah! RoLal and DiStri about to tear it up!"

"Cheers," you say, before taking a big sip. You get a faint sense of grapes before the alcohol hits you, and it takes effort not to grimace. Yup. Still gross.

Nevertheless, you swallow and then take another sip, hoping it takes effect quickly enough that you no longer feel the need to gag. Beside you, Roxy has already thrown back half her glass. She's much more accustomed to the taste. Aunt Rosa hosts regular wine tastings, and she's never minded you kids drinking as long as you do it at home.

AR: Ah, the debauchery of youth. 

AR: Truly, it is a privilege to experience life brocariously through you. 

TT: I could always create a program that induces nausea, vertigo, and memory loss. Just for you. 

AR: I was attempting to cater to your fragile ego. I apologize for the deception. 

AR: I am 100% okay with not putting my vastly superior senses through any part of what you are about to experience. 

AR: Good luck with your inevitably hellish hangover, puny human. 

TT: Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say. 

Your conversation is interrupted by more giggling. When you look at her, you notice Roxy's cheeks are flushed, and that her laughter is a little more hysterical than normal. You think it likely she sampled the wine before she brought it to you.

"What is it?" you ask, unable to help smiling a little in response. What can you say? Roxy's happiness has always been infectious.

Roxy barely manages to talk between the laughter, but you think she says, "I just remembered! Re-remember when Rose would- would drink juice out of a wine glass and pre-pretend to be Mom?"

You do. She'd put on Aunt Rosa's black lipstick and say things like, "How does that make you feel?" and "Hmm. Interesting" before wordlessly writing something down in one of her notebooks, which always felt hella ominous.

In retrospect, Rose was a weird kid.

"She was!" Roxy agrees, spilling some wine as she falls back to sit shoulder to shoulder with you.

Ah. You hadn't realized you'd said that out loud.

"And- and Dave! He'd wear Uncle D's aviators even- even though they were too big on his precious li'l face! And god, remember how he'd sit on Uncle D's lap and so- so fucking seriously listen as he showed him how to- you know, how to use the turntable?"

"Yeah." You always thought he was so cool, just like Bro despite being so much younger, but yeah, looking back Dave was kind of adorable. You bet Bro was silently laughing the whole time at his little mini-me trying so hard to copy his every move.

Annnnd the alcohol is _really_ hitting you now because you're actually laughing, barely holding onto your own cup as you and Roxy shake and fall over each other with loud, undignified guffawing.

It takes a while for it all to die down because you keep setting each other off. At some point, your shades must have fallen off. Each time you think you're done laughing, you make eye contact with Roxy and kickstart another round. You're both crying at this point, unrestrained tears of mirth staining your faces like the forgotten wine that has undoubtedly permanently stained your comforter.

By the time you've devolved to the occasional giggle or breathy laugh, you've both moved to sprawl out across the bed, side by side, Roxy's head on your shoulder.

The manic energy from earlier has dwindled to a delicate, tenuous quiet. The calm before the storm. For a long moment, the two of you simply breathe. There is nothing but you and this room and this point in time and space.

As all things do, the moment ends.

"...I miss them," Roxy whispers, and there's a hoarseness to her voice that pierces right through you, to the heart of you.

"Me too," you admit, almost choking on it, and it feels like nothing less than pure relief. Like flushing a wound, so that it may at last begin to heal.

For the last four years, there has been a sword lodged in your chest, crafted with the finest steely stubbornness and forged in the fires of desperate denial. And you, you refused to pull it out or even acknowledge its existence, even as you cut yourself on its sharp edges over and over again, as you struggled to breathe past the pain. All to stem the tide of your grief.

Now, you think, perhaps...it's finally time to recognize it. And to maybe even tug it out, just a little. Allow yourself to mourn, just a little.

Thus, you bring an arm up to wrap around Roxy, and as she turns to press her face against you and begins shaking with sobs this time, you hold her and give into the hurting, wounded little boy crying for his older brother.

* * *

You must have drifted off at some point. You wake slowly and groggily, eyes puffy and stinging, head aching and full of fog. Roxy is still snoring away next to you, so you're careful as you disengage from her lax hold and take a quick trip to the bathroom.

Your eyes are sensitive to light normally, but you find that your hangover has exacerbated the effect exponentially. So once you fumble your way back to your room in the dark, you hastily locate your shades and put them on.

AR: In case you weren't aware, or don't remember, I need you to know that you are, in fact, a giggly, happy drunk. 

AR: I totally called it. 

AR: Thus, I have recorded this momentous event for posterity. 

AR: I'm sure Bro and Aunt Rosa will get a kick out of it. 

TT: I do not have the mental acuity to deal with your shit right now, dude. 

TT: I'm barely coherent. 

AR: As if that's any different from your usual state of being. 

AR: Anyway, just wanted to let you know Jane and Jake tried to contact you while you were asleep. 

AR: I sent them video evidence of the drunken shenanigans that led to your inability to answer them. 

AR: You're welcome. 

AR: They were both amused. Jake even accidentally admitted that your unabashed smiling and laughter were cute. 

AR: I'll send you a screenshot of that part of the conversation. 

AR: what_would_you_do_without_me_as_a_wingman.jpg 

AR: You're welcome for that, too, by the way. 

It's a good thing you're still kind of red in the face because the thought of Jake seeing you like that is fucking mortifying. That's why you're blushing like a shoujo protagonist and not the, you know, the other thing.

You click on the link, preparing for the worst.

GT: Boy howdy!!! i dont believe ive ever seen dirk so much as crack an honest to goodness smile. 

GT: Its like watching a puppy opening its eyes for the first time. 

GT: Or that part in jurassic park where they first see the dinosaurs and that iconic music swells! 

GT: He looks right dashing when he drops the too cool for school poppycock! 

AR: I told you. He's adorable. 

GT: You sure weren't pulling my leg this time, old pal. Yowza. 

And now you really are red for an entirely different and yet equally uncool reason. This alcohol has shot your composure to shit. You're not going to be able to look Jake in the eye the next time you see him.

You save the image because of course you do, and then you return to your chat with Hal.

TT: No one asked you to do that. 

TT: But thanks. 

You expect serious gloating, likely followed by merciless teasing regarding your not-so-secret crush on Jake. You resign yourself to it, because you actually are grateful for his support. He's been really chill about the whole thing, just sticking to brotherly mocking and things like this instead of anything with bite or malice.

You'd been worried at first that being so similar would mean clashing, but over the years, Hal has grown into his own identity, separate from yours. He has his own relationships with your mutual friends and family that doesn't impugn yours and treats you more like a twin than a reflection of himself. You believe him when he says he doesn't share your feelings for Jake.

Instead of ridicule, you get this:

AR: Alert! Alert! turntechGodhead [TG] is online! 

AR: I repeat: turntechGodhead [TG] is online! 

The world around you comes to a dead stop. "What?" you ask, and the word is wrenched out of you.

AR: I set an alarm for this a while back, just in case. 

AR: Turns out it was useful. 

"It's really him?" You can barely believe it. You're not sure you aren't still asleep. Or in some drunken stupor.

AR: I ran a check as soon as I was alerted and was able to verify it. 

AR: It's for real. It's our brother. 

AR: Dave is alive. 

Hal doesn't have eyes or a body. His only physical presence is the shades perched on your face. Still, in this moment, you can _feel_ yourself making eye contact with him through the camera lens.

Dave is alive.

Dave is alive, and he's _pestering you._

Heart in your throat and feeling like the earth has fallen away from your feet, you open the pesterlog.

turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT] 

TG: yo 

TG: i dont mean to get straight to the point and deny you of my patented strider words of wisdom but this is dirk right 

TG: wait thats so suspiccious 

TG: all hey im definitely dave and not some random dude trying to get info from a vulnerable teenager online 

TG: just noncchalantly asking for the last twelve digits on your parent's ccredit ccard and on an unrelated note what is the three digit seccurity ccode thing in that lil white box 

TG: might as well have started this asking for your asl 

TT: Holy shit. 

TT: Dave? 

TG: did all those stranger danger seminars teacch you nothing 

TG: did none of that weird grey and kinda dirty looking rat guys words get through to you 

TG: never mind i think that guy was part of a no drugs thing i mean i distincctly remember other acctual humans ccoming out on stage and like 

TG: bacck up danccing while this gross cchucck e ccheese rejecct rapped about just saying no 

TG: for all the help that was 

TG: i never had any shady adults wave me over to a bacck alley and try to forcce weed on me while not even looking at me 

TG: pretending like the two of us standing around in an out of the way ccorner wasnt already weird as hell 

TG: and forccing drugs on minors was an acceptable business model like fucck who ccares about profit when you ccan ccorrupt a few kids 

TG: what im saying is that you really failed that test bro you shoulda just said no 

TT: Where the hell are you? 

TT: Where have you been? 

TG: you know me im an adventurous soul just going wherever the wind takes me 

TG: where have you been 

TG: are the others with you 

TT: What? 

TT: I'm at our apartment. Roxy's here, too. 

TT: If by others, you mean Bro and Rosalind, they're both out of the country and will be for the next week. 

TG: uh pro tip wont even ccharge you this time this ones for free no interest or hidden fees 

TG: how about you dont broadccast the facct youre alone at home 

TG: ok it worked out for kevin mccalister but he had movie magicc on his side 

TG: in real life the guys would have broken in day one 

TG: rip cclever pluccky protagonist but ccold hard reality says you dont win in this kind of sccenario 

TG: his family just ccomes bacck to an empty house in more ways than one 

TG: no tv no jewelry no kid whose existencce we somehow ccompletely fuccking forgot like the shitty parents we are 

TG: and the reward for our negligencce was a robbery turned murder 

TG: i dont think that version would beccome a cchristmas staple but hey at least it wouldnt teacch kids theyd ccome out on top when staccked against burglars 

TG: you are the kid in this by the way if i wasnt making it ccrystal cclear 

TG: its like you didnt even read all those pamphlets about interneting responsibly 

TG: for shame dirk for shame 

TT: I don't want to be scolded for not taking into account my own safety by the guy who went missing and hasn't stopped nervously rambling long enough for me to properly appreciate the fact that he's back or grill him for information. 

TG: wait what 

TG: ive been missing 

TG: for how long 

TT: It's been four years, Dave. We all thought you were dead. 

TG: oh shit 

TG: wait how old are you now 

TT: Seventeen, as of a few months ago. 

TG: huh 

TG: i sense there is time fucckery afoot 

TG: and sincce im the time guy you know those senses are top notcch no bang for your boon bucck 

TG: its only been at most a day and a half for us dude 

TT: What? 

TT: How can that be possible? 

TG: i dunno 

TG: when the universe reset i guess it dropped us off at different points on the timeline 

TG: beccause physiccally separating us wasnt enough of a dicck move nah we gotta toss em randomly throughout time and spacce 

TG: for fuccking four years unbelievable 

TG: anyway is everybody else with you ccause theres only four of us here 

TG: rose says hi 

TT: She's with you? 

TT: Is she okay? Why isn't she online? 

TG: uh yeah shes fine but shes a little busy with something right now 

TG: she wants me to tell you that i dont speak for her and she will greet you in her own time 

TG: she also wants me to tell you shes a dingus and that her disdain of wizards is a sham 

TG: hows that rose youre not the boss of me im the master of my own destiny 

TG: kanaya and karkat are here too by the way 

TT: Those are the names of the other kids who went missing at the same time as you and Rose. 

TT: This is insane. 

TT: Have you contacted Bro? Or Rosalind? The police? 

TT: Where are you? What happened to you? Are you okay? 

TT: Why are you acting like this isn't a huge fucking deal? 

TT: Not to break our standard rule of feigning cool no matter what, but I'm seriously about to pirouette off the fucking handle. 

TG: whoa uh 

TG: shoosh bro ccalm down everythings good were all whole hale and hearty or whatever that saying is i might have gotten it wrong 

TG: like were cconfused and a lil uh disccomfy for reasons i dont wanna drop in your lap when youre already freaking out 

TG: so dont worry about that its all under ccontrol 

TG: but uh what do you mean 

TG: youve met karkat and kanaya remember 

TG: after the final battle when we all met up and had that sappy ass reunion sccene 

TG: its been four years for you but 

TG: i guess i thought youd remember karkat at least sincce we had that uh 

TG: shit ill ccall it what it was we had a feelings jam 

TG: and i kinda told you he was my boyfriend 

TT: I don't know what you're talking about, dude. 

TT: I've never met Karkat. Or Kanaya, for that matter. 

TT: I only know of them because when you guys went missing all at once, it caused a bit of an incident. 

TT: Especially considering the fact that they put out a nationwide search for you. 

TT: Obviously, you were never found. We had no leads, but that didn't stop Bro and Rosalind from looking. 

TT: It still hasn't. 

TT: It's shitty, but I gave up after the first year because believing you to be gone forever was less painful than desperately hoping you might still be alive. 

TT: Or dwelling on the reasons you wouldn't be able to come back if you were. 

TT: Now you're here somehow, apparently completely fine and free to contact me, and I actually believe it's you despite all the discrepancies and weird shit you're spouting. 

TT: Please tell me you're coming home. 

TG: um 

TG: shit 

TG: you dont remember playing the game 

TG: sburb 

TG: that name not ringing any bells 

TT: I remember that the eight of us were going to play SBURB before you disappeared, but the company developing it suddenly went under, and it got canceled. 

TT: What does that have to do with anything? 

TT: Is Mobius connected to your disappearance? 

TG: well 

TG: this is awkward 

TG: so uh 

TG: im gonna go now 

TG: gotta get my bearings take a look at my options here get the full sccope 

TG: find out where i am follow the north wind home you know how it is 

TT: Wait! 

TG: nice cchatting with you bro it was definitely not at all alarming or eerie 

TT: Don't go! 

TG: 10/10 would talk again 

TT: I might be able to help you. 

turntechGodhead [TG]  has ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT] 

TT: Fuck. 

Dave's handle goes offline, and you curse again for good measure. There's a fire lit inside you, now that you know your brother is alive. He's out there somewhere along with Rose and the other two kids, and you're _going_ to find him.

"Hal, can you track his signal?" you ask, as you go over to the bed to wake Roxy up. She's probably in worse shape than you, but you know she'd never forgive you if you didn't tell her her sister is alive. "Let Bro and Aunt Rosa know, too. Send them the whole chatlog."

AR: Ten steps ahead of you, bro. 

AR: Bro and Aunt Rosa are already on their way to the jet. 

AR: Looks like Karkat Vantas contacted Sollux Captor at the same time. 

AR: He sent us a screenshot of their conversation. 

"Good work."

AR: Who do you take me for? 

There's a giddy smile on your face that you can't attribute to the residual alcohol. As Roxy groans and squints up at you, you don't even try to suppress it. Time has finally started moving again, and you refuse to fall behind or get swept up in its wake. You're bringing your brother home, no matter what.

* * *

  
  


**=̷̫͒̆̎̓̑͒͛͌̉=̴̝̥̙̥̤͖͍͓̈́̄̃͋́ >̵̨̲̪̗̜͍̼͇͍̰̔̃ ̷̺͗͊͘Ḅ̷̛͇̞͒͋̈́͗͆̎͐̀̿e̷̢̨͕͙̟͉̦͂̑̏̋͗͛̅̍͘͠ ̸̨̘̤̊̽̏̏ͅt̵̡͑ͅh̷̝̗̿̿̔̾̉e̶̡̲̦̗̟̖̮̅ ̸̢̞̞̮̙̤̖̗̹͆̿̈̀̂l̶̩̫̫̲̼͈̈́̄͐͆̄͜â̷͙̹̦̫̮͓̘͈͓̾s̴̛͚̤͉͖̆͂̚͝͝t̵͔̮͇̠͚̺̎͑̊͌͌̚ ̷͈̈́̆̄̈́̿̃r̴̤͚̺͔͖̠̘̭͎̈e̸͙͉̜̖͕͋͐̓̈̀̆m̴̨͍̗̜̈́́̎̒͝͠ä̴̞̯́̔i̶̞̳̪͇̇̃͛͂͊̃̈́͝n̵̢̬̒̍̈͠͝ȉ̷̹̱͉̹͍͕̅̚͘͝͠ņ̶͈̬̙̼͔͕̈̆g̸̗̥̗̳͐͊̅̎͛͒̑ ̴̡̻̑̄̇̎́͂͂͘ͅs̵̭͙̯̯̫̥͕̩̄̍̓̽̉̿̉̎̂͝p̸̨̨̥̮͕̠̰͔̃̅̎̆̃̕͜͠l̴̬̈͋͠ḯ̷͈͕͕̗̱̌ͅn̴͍̈́̄̐͠t̸͇̠̟̣̩͉̘̰̦̭̓͠e̴̮̝̙̰̹̞͖̯̿̂̀̄̃̎r̶̞͓̪̘̽̀̊**

atlasRenegade [AR]  began pestering  turntechGodhead [TG] 

AR: Hey, bro. 

AR: Or should I say… 

AR: Knight of Time? 

AR: It seems we have much to discuss. 

TG: what the fucck 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is the depressed nerd ×2 Dirk and Hal or Dirk and Roxy?? Why not both?? ;)
> 
> In case anyone is confused, these are the ages:  
> Beta trolls/kids = 21 years (10 sweeps)  
> Alpha kids = 17  
> Alpha trolls = 25-27  
> (From Kankri's 25 to Damara's 27, ages not in order of signs obviously)  
> Alpha Dave = 38  
> Alpha Rose = 42  
> Dad/Dan = 43
> 
> I don't drink. Not for lack of trying, either. Just can't ever get past that alcohol taste, no matter how little the percentage. If I'm drinking for taste (and I always am), I just drink the mix by itself.
> 
> On that note, non-alcoholic Piña coladas and Strawberry daiquiris are delicious. Haven't had Spiced Apple Martinis either way, so I dunno if it's any good. Just googled a drink with apple juice in it for Alpha Dave lol
> 
> Anyway, I've never gotten drunk, but I've babysat my fair share of drunken people, so.
> 
>  **Hal:** Actually I was lying and don't want to experience the less than savory aspects of alcoholic consumption.  
>  **Dirk:** That's what I thought you'd say, you dumb fucking horse.
> 
> Alpha Dave and Rose are now Damian and Rosalind. The beta guardians ended up as trolls on Alternia, and the alpha guardians, humans on Earth. Mostly bc I don't think there's enough content with them out there. Alpha Dave and Dirk bonding?? Alpha Rose and Roxy??? Alpha Dave and _Dave???_ Alpha Rose and _Rose???_
> 
> I have exposed myself as having lived in a certain southern state at some point in my youth. Apparently that "no drugs rat" mascot was/is only a thing in one specific state and not the universal (or at least, national) experience I thought it was. Whatever. It's a purely Texan thing in Dave's original universe, ok??
> 
> Was anyone expecting Hal?? ;) Honestly I wasn't sure I was gonna include him at first, but then he made himself useful by tying some plot threads together. So…
> 
> As you can see, despite remembering(?), he's got a good relationship with Dirk and the others. What can I say? He's learned from his mistakes and cultivated relationships based on trust and not manipulation or trickery. 
> 
> ((Not to say what happened was entirely his fault, but he didn't make things worse for himself by pretending to be Dirk or antagonizing him and his friends and did make sure to be seen as a different/sentient person from the beginning, and that made all the difference.))
> 
> My boi is living his best life.
> 
> Hal's chat handle is pretty self-explanatory. Or well. It will be. ;)
> 
> Also not relevant to the chapter, but. I?? Forgot perigees were a thing??? And honestly still don't understand them???
> 
> ALSO I don't know if it's clear, but!! Hal's text is literally on the outside of Dirk's shades. Like some neon sign. Roxy would have to pull out her phone to read his messages on Pesterchum, as well as everyone else except Damian & Dave, so he just. Fucking broadcasts rolling text on Dirk's glasses. 
> 
> Could I have given him a voice? Sure. Would that be as hilarious as Dirk's fucking billboard glasses??? I rest my case, your honor.


	6. Rose: Just keep swimming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday, June 17th.
> 
> Made a [ side blog ](https://truculentthespian.tumblr.com/) for this fic! Check it out for progress/word count for each chapter + deleted scenes & extras.
> 
>  **Edit (6/16/2020):** I won't be updating tomorrow. Ended up having to work today and tomorrow (as well as the rest of the week), so it's being pushed back to next Wednesday. June 24. Sorry, but I just won't have time. QuQ
> 
> On that note, updates will probably be every two weeks from now on. I no longer have any buffer chapters, and it's proving too stressful to get a full chapter out in just a few days. Thanks for your understanding. :)

**== > Rose: Just keep swimming**

There is a pool of water on the ship, solely dedicated to sea dwellers. Ocean water, pumped in from a reserve separate from drinking and tap water, its purpose only to bring much needed solace to a subset of your species that spends half your life submerged.

You are part of that subset, and it's fascinating, the way "land" begins to wear on you, drying you out in a manner you'd never experienced as a human. At about thirty-six hours is when it really kicks in. Each breath feels as if it's very slightly scraping against your throat and lungs. Your fins grow somewhat limp. The sensitive skin around the gills beneath your jaw and behind your ears seems to chap, like your lips. Your palms lose some of their smoothness, and even your hair becomes stiff, like straw.

Of course you bathe and drink water at regular intervals, but there is no substitute for the real thing, as you find out. As you remember, because the other Rose, like you, experimented and documented her experiences regarding her own body. 

It's strange and more than a little unsettling, to find yourself in someone else's skin. Slotted into their life like some changeling, except instead you've replaced them entirely. It's stranger still to feel that this body is normal, to consider your experiences in any other form to be unusual. One of you had never even seen a human. One of you continues to be startled by ink black hair. One of you holds quiet regard for a woman you have never known. One of you misses your mother awfully.

Both of you have grown up surrounded by water. Both of you enjoy a good cup of tea. Both of you fell for and somehow managed to seduce Kanaya Maryam. Both of you consider Dave Strider to be your best friend. Both of you feel pangs of pity for Karkat Vantas. A Rose is a Rose is a Rose, as it were.

You dive deeper into the water, feeling rejuvenated with every "breath". Water enters your mouth, is converted into oxygen, and the excess exits your gills. Your eyes are protected by a nictated membrane, much like sharks, allowing you to see underwater. Strange, unusual, but undeniably useful.

The pool is furnished with Alternian aquatic life, such as coral, fish, algae, et cetera. Honestly, it functions more like a massive fishbowl or zoo exhibit, save for the lack of transparent glass to serve as a viewing portal. You certainly feel like a creature in captivity, more used to the wide, open ocean back home, but this facility serves its purpose.

You make your way to the bottom and amuse yourself by "walking" atop the sand. Your feet are dark grey, and your bright yellow claws gleam in the dark. You would have already gouged yourself upon them were your skin not so durable.

You wonder if Dave is having as much trouble acclimating as you. You haven't discussed it.

When faced when an uncomfortable situation, Dave tends to deflect or deny, thinking perhaps not thinking will make it go away. Or simply reveling in ignorance before the inevitable confrontation.

In contrast, you prefer to examine unpleasant truths under a microscope and document your findings, as if treating the whole thing with a clinical air will distance you from it. As if it will spare you from the emotions involved.

Neither of your approaches works in the long run. Dave eventually had to concede that his childhood was fucked up and that his bro was never going to drop the silent, emotionless schtick and give him the love and validation he was longing for. You had to accept that your mother wasn't engaged in a passive aggressive war with you. She was simply inexcusably negligent. Abusive, in a different way than Dave's bro but no less damaging for it.

You love her, and you miss her, but she was no more fit to be a guardian than her teenaged self. The latter being due to age and hopefully not the same moral failings. You didn't get to spend enough time with Roxy to actually delve into the nitty-gritty, and with things as they are, you're not going to be able to anytime soon. Dirk is similarly out of reach.

You have a family member right here, on this very ship, and the only thing preventing you from connecting with him is your mutual disdain of showing vulnerability. Of showing weakness. Even though you have both relied on each other for emotional support for years, layered with irony and sarcasm as it was.

Now floating cross-legged just above the ground, you decide to take the first step.

calamitousGeas [CG]  began trolling  garrulusAchromat [GA] 

CG: Since neither ()f us is inclined t() share genuine sentiment with()ut pr()v()cati()n, all()w me t() break the ice. 

CG: I am experiencing mild disc()mf()rt with this new b()dy. 

GA: i was gonna keep all these feelings in my cchest until i die 

GA: but sincce youve gone so far as to break before me i suppose ill bite 

GA: this alien body succks major dong and i hate it 

CG: I find my scientific curi()sity dulled by the unasked f()r up cl()se and pers()nal l()()k at tr()ll bi()l()gy. 

CG: If I wanted such an in depth examinati()n, I w()uld simply c()nsult my h()t alien girlfriend. 

GA: gross 

GA: but same 

GA: i got all the info i need from maccking my boyfriend dont need the freaky friday experiencce 

GA: didnt even have a strangely hot mom to trade bodies with no i got my own ccustom made strider deluxe 

GA: no manual inccluded just a bunch of memories that may or may not ccome in handy 

GA: no warnings either like watcch out for nausea vomiting and forgetting youve got a pair of gnarly fuccking goat horns to account for now 

GA: its a good thing we dont sleep in beds anymore ccause i doubt id be able to with these fuccking things 

CG: Quite. 

CG: Cuddling ()n a h()riz()ntal platf()rm has bec()me a hazard()us affair. 

CG: N()t t() menti()n the teeth. 

GA: oh dont get me started on these fuccking piranha teeth 

GA: almost bite my own tongue off on the daily 

GA: exacctly what purpose does daggers in your mouth serve 

GA: ccause let me tell you kissing does not get any easier when youve gotta maneuver around not one but two sets of pointy mouth bones 

CG: I imagine in the ()riginal Alternia, the danger was part ()f the appeal. 

CG: I seem t() recall many ()f Karkat's n()vels waxing p()etic ab()ut them. 

GA: i try my best to blocck out any information i might have attained from our reading sessions 

GA: a lot of those books were raccier than any of your fanficc 

GA: and usually in the wrong way 

GA: way too mucch blood play for one thing 

CG: Ah. And n()w we've c()me full circle. I can't imagine teeth didn't play a significant r()le in any bl()()d play. 

GA: ok ccan we stop talking about troll porn 

GA: its making me unccomfortably aware of the facct i ccould cconceivably reenacct most of the rauncchier sccenes now that ive got the same equipment 

GA: knowledge really is a ccurse 

CG: N() ()ne f()rced y()u t() listen t() any ()f th()se saucy sex scenes, Dave. 

CG: In fact, I recall witnessing y()u beg Karkat t() read al()ud t() y()u and him ()nly giving in after much pestering. 

GA: acctually ccirccumstances forcced me to listen to karkats sauccy sex sccenes rose 

GA: i know you and kanaya had your maccking and knitting and you and vriska had the smug light taccticcian thing going on 

GA: but other than building ccan town with the mayor 

GA: whicch dont get me wrong was always a magiccal experiencce the mayor is everything good and preccious in any universe and time spent with him was never wasted 

GA: but other than that and with terezi off doing diaboliccal shit with vriska all the time 

GA: it was just me and karkat and our annual movie night 

GA: and he only had a finite number of movies 

GA: so yes i got him to read his dumb smutty books to me 

GA: he was pretty fuccking pleased to be doing it so dont pretend this was all on me 

CG: I stand c()rrected. 

CG: Clearly, y()u were f()rced at gun p()int. Y()u had n() ()ther ch()ice. 

GA: thank you for accknowledging my plight 

GA: anyway where are you 

GA: karkats stucck in a meeting and kanayas ccaught up in mediccal 

GA: my shift just ended and im not toucching my paperwork til tomorrow 

GA: havent even graduated middle scchool but ive got a job where i ccan put off paperwork and no one ccan stop me 

GA: that might be more unsettling than turning into a gray spacce alien 

CG: Is it, th()ugh? 

CG: no 

CG: I'm currently making use ()f the pr()vided p()()l if y()u wished t() j()in me. 

GA: fuccking fish trolls of ccourse youre in the water 

GA: whatever im on my way 

CG: See y()u s()()n, br()ther mine. 

calamitousGeas [CG]  ceased trolling  garrulusAchromat [GA] 

It doesn't take long for Dave to arrive. Not fifteen minutes later, you hear him call your name.

You swim to the surface and find him looming over you, eyebrows raised in judgment. "Hello, Dave."

"Yeah, no. I get that you're part fish now, but I'm not doing a reverse Little Mermaid. You've already got legs. You can come up on land with us land dwellers," he says, instincts making him on edge around water. Although you're not entirely sure even before that Dave wouldn't have balked at swimming. He did spend his entire life in a city nowhere near a body of water. You're not even certain he knows how to swim.

Regardless, it is your duty as his sister to pounce on any perceived weakness, is it not? You level him with your best mocking expression. "What, are you afraid?"

His face scrunches up behind his shades. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

"It's working, though," you say, smug.

He sighs. "Yeah, okay. Whatever." He strips down to his boxers, which you are amused to find are, in fact, Karkat's. If the repeating pattern involving his sign is any indication.

Dave makes a face at you, realizing that you've realized, and you move back and out of the way to allow him the room to jump in.

It seems he does know how to swim.

"Shit, it's cold," he nearly shrieks, caught off guard by the cool water.

"Is it? I didn't notice," you demur.

He splashes water at you. "Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, Lalonde. I'm sure it'll be hilarious once I freeze to death for your entertainment. I bet you'd leave me out in the cold like poor Leo. The door could have fit both of us, Rose. This is cold-blooded murder."

"That was my dastardly plan." You graciously do not return fire. After a long moment of him staring at you, you ask, "Enjoying the view?"

He immediately recoils. "What? Eww, no!" Knowing that it's the quickest way to change the subject, he explains, "I was just wondering if you were using your gills or just breathing air right now. Half in and out of the water like this."

Before you can get a word out, Dave quickly backpedals, recognizing his faux pas, "Oh shit, wait, we literally just talked about how we weren't vibing with our new meat suits, and that's the first thing I bring up when I see you. Falling all over sibling code like Karkat trying to have one (1) single conversation with Egbert. Clowning harder than our resident murder clown. Although he wasn't even a good one, gave clowns a bad name if you ask me, and anyway he's not technically a resident anymore. The vents on this ship are presumably clown-free, but to be honest, it's not like I checked. I should get on that. I'm like, head of security-"

"If you're quite done," you raise your voice, interrupting what was turning out to be an impressive spiel, "I don't mind answering your initial question, however inappropriate it might have been." He shuts up, sheepish, and so you explain, "My gills are all located above my torso. You can see them quite clearly here and here. The use of them requires my head to be entirely submerged, so the answer to your question is 'no'. Right now, I'm breathing with my lungs."

"Huh," is all he has to say in response. "I kinda figured you'd have some on your sides. Like that one fish guy from Hellboy."

"Abe Sapien also only sported gills on his neck," you correct. You consider him and what you know of him from foreign memories. "Have you attempted to wield your psionics yet?"

"You mean the freaky troll powers?" He asks, disgruntled. Suddenly, rust red energy envelops him, alongside a swelling, humming buzz, and as he floats up into the air, a towel flies over to his open hand from across the room. "Ta da," he says without enthusiasm, bowing sarcastically.

You applaud him just as sincerely. "Bravo."

He lands with little fanfare and begins drying himself off. You join him on the cool tile, leaving only your legs to dangle over the side into the pool. He plops down beside you, towel hung over his neck and hair an excellent impression of a bird's nest.

"Karkat doesn't care," Dave says, abruptly. "That I'm like this now, I mean. I'd still change back if I could, but knowing he's alright with it. Well. It helps." From the corner of your eye, you see him smile dopily, unreservedly.

You think Karkat has been good for him in general, but specifically for this. For helping him to become softer, more open. More real.

Kanaya has done much the same for you. She's the first person you've trusted with every part of you - the good, the bad, the things you're most proud of, things you're ashamed to even speak. She accepted it all and made you feel, ironically, more human. Like a person who was loved and who deserved love. She helped you let go and move on, promised to create a new life with you, and you are so, so scared to lose her.

"Kanaya, too," you tell him, smiling your own silly, smitten smile, and he doesn't turn to look at you either.

Karkat's words ring in your head. Dave's warm presence next to you is a newly familiar comfort. And Kanaya-

Kanaya is somewhere on this ship, just waiting for you to hold out your hand. How wonderful it is to know without a shred of a doubt that she won't hesitate to take it.

* * *

Among your belongings is an old, worn notebook, preserved through the simple process of storing it inside a captchacard. It's a relic of your Ancestor's, kept secret for sweeps upon sweeps and passed down to you upon your hatching. Inside, she penned her life story, beginning from a short synopsis of her pupahood to a much more detailed exposition of the rebellion.

It's a compendium of the usurpation of the Empire as well as a precious insight into this alternate version of your mother. This version of her who clearly did not remember the game or you but who believed in the Signless' visions anyway and made preparations for the descendant she would never meet.

Shoving aside the terrible regret that particular revelation summons, you open the book to a page bookmarked nearly fifty pages in.

Signless had been killed. D()l()r()sa and Maverick had been captured and were slated f()r slavery. Luminary managed t() escape and track d()wn Sentinel and myself, and we quickly hatched a rescue. It was risky, but we c()uld n()t aff()rd t() l()se such valuable members ()f the rebelli()n. We als() knew Signless' w()rds and acti()ns n()w had much m()re impact, and we had t() act fast if we wanted t() turn the rising tide ()f disc()ntent int() a tsunami.

It is at this p()int that I must c()nfess t() being fueled at least in part by grief. Signless was a bright sp()t ()f h()pe in an ()therwise dark and h()peless time. He was kind, and I cann()t stress en()ugh t() y()u, future descendant ()f mine, h()w infinitely rare and priceless such a thing was. He was a g()()d friend and a better tr()ll, and I miss him terribly. It is useless t() waste time ()n "what if"s, but I admit t() l()ng, sleepless days w()ndering h()w things might have changed had I been there the night Signless was taken.

Sentinel had initially regarded Signless as a naive f()()l, but thr()ugh steady, unrelenting persistence, Signless managed t() break thr()ugh my m()irail's walls and f()rm an unbreakable b()nd ()f br()therh()()d. He, t()(), was devastated by Signless' death, and it changed him. He became even quieter, even m()re inscrutable, even m()re vi()lent. M()re ruthless.

He n() l()nger all()wed me t() calm him. ()ur feelings jams ceased alt()gether. I c()uld never tell what he was thinking, and he never ()ffered t() share. He still deferred t() me as the leader publicly, but he began carrying ()ut missi()ns in secret, each m()re danger()us than the last. It benefited the rev()luti()n, but in the end, ()ur m()irallegiance was yet an()ther casualty ()f what had und()ubtedly bec()me a war. 

Signless' death led to the rebellion's victory. Unknown to all, it was also the death of your parents' relationship. Aside from sympathy for your mother, you don't know how to feel about that. Your father turned out to be just as much of an abusive scumbag as he was in your original universe, so perhaps it's for the best. Your mother found solace in the arms of Luminary, and Sentinel moved on to an unhealthy red-black courtship with Maverick that left both of them miserable.

Apparently Dirk and Jake being drawn to each other is yet another constant that transcends universes. You dearly hope the version of your father on Earth is at least having more luck.

Without having met Dave's bro, even you could tell the difference between him and Dirk. You could also see the similarities, but… Reading the gradual transformation from Dirk to Bro through your mother's eyes was chilling, enough so that you wouldn't share this notebook with your brother even in the unlikely event he showed interest in it.

Regardless, perhaps the most interesting tidbit is the existence of John's Nanna and Jade's Grandpa. Luminary and Maverick, respectively. John and Jade have been confirmed to be humans on Earth, so you find it peculiar that they would have troll ancestors on Alternia. It makes sense for you and Dave, as much as any of this makes sense, but there are no troll versions of your best friends. If there were, they would be announced and paraded around Alternia just as you were.

The plot thickens, you muse to yourself, idly flipping through pages, eyes skimming over history you've practically memorized by now. 

After Signless' death, your mother and co. staged a rescue and dealt the Empire a serious blow by completely destroying the subjugglator stronghold where they were being held prisoners. With a furious, grief stricken Dolorosa, Maverick, and Luminary now firmly in hand and ready to wreck shit, your ancestors spearheaded a continuous, unstoppable assault on Empire bases and ships that lasted sweeps beyond what anyone could have ever expected.

Most rebellions were swiftly crushed, after all. The general public usually never even knew of them. Even the ones that gained traction were made examples of and used to thoroughly break the wills of a people already worn down and resigned to it all.

But The Sufferers, a name they proudly wore alongside a new symbol, refused to be shoved under the rug or brought to heel. They were swift and brutal. Most of all, they were effective. And they showed no signs of giving up.

Once they managed to kill Gl'bgolyb, it was all over for the Condesce. The highbloods turned on her in masse, those with lowblood quadmates, or who were sick of the subjugation, or who feared and respected the troll who achieved the impossible. Or those who simply weighed the odds and defected to the winning side.

Funny, then, that your mother had been branded a traitor by many of those very same highbloods.

The Saboteur then led her fellow traitors on a bloody campaign to Her Imperious Condescension herself. The battle that ensued was far from easy. Eventually, however, Sentinel ran her through with his sword, and Saboteur ripped the crown off her head and declared the night won and the long war over.

A gripping narrative, made all the more so by the inside perspective your mother's journal provides. As a grub, young Rohzze amused herself greatly by comparing the official version taught to all trolls and the much more in depth, personal account she was gifted. As one can expect, the differences are numerous.

For example, no history book would include Sentinel's and Saboteur's crumbling moirallegiance, nor Sentinel's and Maverick's toxic, sham of a kismesissitude. Nor even the matespritship between Saboteur and Luminary. And especially not the numerous trysts between Signless and everyone else, save his mother. Although Luminary was nominally his matesprit, theirs was a love "beyond the quadrants", and neither minded sharing.

Young Rohzze found this to be a scandalously delicious piece of gossip and so teased young Karkat mercilessly. The you currently retreading this old ground still finds such information to be amusing, and you make a mental note to bring it up next you see your intrepid leader. Dave would likely also get a kick out of this were he not so adamant about avoiding so much as thinking about his ancestor. Not that you can blame him.

The door to your room hisses open behind you, pulling you out of your thoughts, and you recognize Kanaya's distinctive tread. Immediately, you are beset by an anxiety not unlike the type you felt upon meeting Kanaya for the first time and realizing there really was something more to the flirting the two of you had engaged in for much of your session.

You close your mother's journal and set it aside before spinning around in your chair to make eye contact with your girlfriend. "I've been expecting you," you tell her, privately enjoying the drama of it all.

She smiles in response, amused by your theatrics even if she doesn't get the reference, and you are once again struck by how stunning she is. How absolutely breathtaking. Kanaya Maryam is a marvel of a woman, and you are so very, very gay.

"Karkat implied very heavily that you might have something to discuss with me," she says, expression smoothing out into one that mirrors the anxiety bubbling in your stomach.

"I sought his counsel," you admit, reluctantly impressed with this maneuver. He knows you too well. You were in no hurry to enact his advice. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised he decided to take matters into his own hands."

Even more familiar with Karkat's methods than you, Kanaya understands what he has done. "Despite claiming to loathe being relied on in any capacity, he does seem to thrive on it, does he not? He can be more meddlesome than me, some nights, which is quite the feat."

She laughs, always a pretty sight, and you smirk. "He was very eager to offer his aid."

You stand up and move to sit on the couch, and after scarcely a moment, Kanaya joins you.

"Would it be presumptuous of me to presume whatever matter you sought his counsel on might pertain to me?" She asks, never one to miss the obvious.

"No. It was regarding our relationship." You adjust the skirt of your dress, using those precious few moments to look away from the dismay that appears on her face.

"Is something wrong?"

"No. I thought there might be." You explain, "I was...worried about our relationship now that there exists possible suitors for your other quadrants. Not that I believe you would date someone without telling me, of course."

"Of course," she echoes, still seeming confused. "We agreed to a monogamous relationship, did we not? I would not betray your trust."

"I know. It was ridiculous of me to doubt."

"No, it was not. However, I do hope you know you can come to me with your concerns, no matter what they are or how ridiculous you might find them to be." She offers her hand, and you grasp it gratefully, entwining your fingers together, automatically accounting for your claws.

You confess, "I do. I trust you. I just didn't want to cause you any needless worry."

Kanaya smiles gently, fondly, as if she doesn't know what to do with you. "If it is something that troubles you, it is never needless. Besides, as your matesprit, I would rather worry with you than carry on, ignorant of your distress."

"Karkat was very adamant about open communication," you muse, wry.

"Was there anything else?" She asks, idly rubbing a thumb over the back of your hand.

"I feel that, in light of recent developments, it would be remiss of me to enforce an agreement created when I did not fully understand the differences between troll and human romances," you say, watching Kanaya closely for an indication of how she feels.

She laughs, clearly relieved. "Rose, you forget that I was fully aware of the 'troll romances' and that I had a fairly accurate idea of what human romance entailed, and still I agreed to this. I am overjoyed that there are more than seven trolls in existence, but I assure you that none could compare to you. I am perfectly happy with you, Rose."

That said, she leans in to kiss you, and you melt into it, into her, utterly relieved and bursting with love for this woman who makes you feel cherished and cared for and like you could endure a thousand games and universes and fucked up situations if only you could be together through it all.

When you pull back, you find that you're tearing up, quietly overwhelmed, and sensing this, Kanaya takes your hands in hers and presses a sweet kiss to both of them. You laugh wetly, and she regards you lovingly with those mesmerizing jade green eyes.

"I love you," you manage to say, past the lump in your throat. "Kanaya, I love you."

"I love you, too, Rose."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want a visual on our main characters/trolls, I edited canon talksprites and posted them [here](https://truculentthespian.tumblr.com/post/620184366422818817/our-four-main-characterstrolls-as-they-appear-in). Might end up doing the trolls turned humans, too. This was pretty fun.
> 
> Sea dweller anatomy comes entirely from fanon. Just picked out and used the bits I liked. As for them drying out, I just thought it'd be neat to have consequences for being away from water. Nothing major, just minor irritants.
> 
> I think Rose's abuse is downplayed in fanfic/fandom, especially compared to Dave's. (Altho I am of course limited to only the fic I have personally consumed.) But negligence can have severe consequences as well. It can lead to mistrust of others, difficulty forming lasting connections, alcohol and drug abuse, etc. The list goes on.
> 
> I won't say I don't enjoy fic where Bro and Mom are much better parents - even goals sometimes! - but when I began writing this fic, I decided I wasn't going to sugarcoat anything. But uh I recognize this is a heavy subject and possibly triggering, so don't worry, we won't be dwelling on it. I just mean to say that I won't pretend it didn't happen.
> 
> On that note, you can be aware a loved one has abused you and still love them or miss them or think of them fondly. Emotions are complicated. People are complicated! It's not something I'm going to delve into too much.
> 
> Rose's new troll handle has been revealed! Dave and Rose bonding! As a trans™ who experiences dysphoria, I wanted to cover theirs. Their chat about it and the way they handle it in general is pretty much the way me and my friends talk about it lol 
> 
> ((important note: you don't have to experience dysphoria to be trans; thanks for coming to my tedtalk))
> 
> How is Rose trolling Dave underwater??? Idk. Waterproof palmhusk??? You telling me a species that's longest living members are fish people haven't invented tech that works underwater???
> 
> Dave has psionics! Decided early on that he would. Altho the story has moved away from the need for him to power the small ship they initially piloted. They didn't even have a crew in the beginning. OvO
> 
> Thank you to Key for giving me excellent titles for Troll Mom and Bro that served me greatly until I fleshed out their backstory further. I was really drawing a blank til you suggested some, and having concrete/placeholder titles for them made finding the ones I ultimately chose so much easier. I really appreciate it! :)
> 
> As for the titles I finally went with:
> 
> Troll!Mom = The Saboteur (A person who engages in sabotage; she began sabotaging her missions/leaking intel before she was exposed & defected) (violet blood)
> 
> Troll!Bro = The Sentinel (A soldier or guard whose job is to stand and keep watch; creepily silent, a swift killer. he stood quietly at Mom's side for all her speeches/meetings and only moved to protect her/kill) (rust blood)
> 
> Troll!Grandpa = The Maverick (An unorthodox or independent-minded person; v similar to human version; eccentric older dude who was a crack shot with a pistol) (olive blood)
> 
> Troll!Nanna = The Luminary (A person who inspires or influences others, especially one prominent in a particular sphere; she served Disciple's purpose, but she spread the word in person) (cerulean blood)
> 
> Ancestor Pairings:
> 
> Beyond Quadrants:  
> Signless/Luminary(+everyone else except Dolorosa)
> 
> Flushed:  
> Saboteur<3Luminary
> 
> Moirails:  
> Saboteur<>Sentinel (failed)  
> Luminary<>Maverick
> 
> Kismeses:  
> Sentinel<3 < Maverick (toxic)
> 
> ((My favorite ancestor pairing is Sign/Disc/Psii, so obviously I had to recreate it here with the new blood.))
> 
> The more I reveal of the Ancestors, the more I want to write a one-shot about what happened back then. But eh.
> 
> RoseMary content!! This was so much harder to write than DaveKat bc girls. Are pretty. And I am very, very gay. I just get really flustered writing about them, okay??? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!!! ;)
> 
> ((also sorry if their convo is a rehash if the rose+kar convo!! my boi was simply 10000000% right about how it was gonna go down! we got a love expert over heeeere))


	7. Be the bad bitch (a.k.a. the really sad bitch)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Wednesday, July 8th.
> 
> Chapters will now be posted every two weeks. ;)
> 
> Made a [ side blog ](https://truculentthespian.tumblr.com/) for this fic! Check it out for progress/word count for each chapter + deleted scenes & extras.
> 
>  **Edit:** I hate to say this, but this isn't going to work. This chapter isn't doing what I need it to do. Proofreading knocked off 1k rather than adding anything, and I'm stuck on how to proceed. I think I'm gonna move updates to once a month. There will probably still be an update this month since I've got so much written already, so at least there's that. Just not today. I'm sorry for doing this twice in one week. :/ 
> 
> I'm hoping once a month updates will allow me to stock up on chapters again and avoid situations like this. Thanks for your understanding.

**== > Be the bad bitch (a.k.a. the really sad bitch)**

"Karkat jutht contacted me. He'th alive, and I think Kanaya'th with him-"

Before Sollux can even get the words out, you're snatching his phone out of his hand and reading the chatlog. You can't even laugh at the ridiculous "incident" they revealed, though you do set aside the information for later. Your heart is racing in your chest, adrenaline flooding your body and setting each nerve alight as the knowledge that Kanaya and Karkat are still alive sinks in.

You hadn't allowed yourself the luxury of doubt. Giving in and accepting that two of your friends was dead was the coward's way out. It would have been easy. Much easier than gripping that tiny shred of hope and grimly holding onto it through tearful appeals and angry tirades and - worst of all - _pity._

Blind faith was hard, especially when you're used to having all the cards and rigging the game in your favor. Your luck is notoriously awful, after all, so it's become habitual to manipulate results so that you're always on top. There's simply no room for uncertainty when you've made it impossible to lose. It's why you can still be so confident despite numerous setbacks and failures.

Just- _believing_ in something isn't like you at all, goes against your very nature. That's Tavros' schtick, and even fairy boy couldn't find it in himself to dream. It's the most difficult thing you've ever had to do, and you've forced yourself to _apologize_ before. To multiple people!

Even Terezi, stubborn and tricky and clever as she is, had thrown in the towel. Had investigated and weighed the evidence and judged the case to be a lost cause. She even tried to convince _you_ to change your mind, to see reason, to not let your guilt eat up all your common sense, you silly girl.

Having been your most avid supporter up until that point, when she flipped sides as easily as she flipped that coin of hers, you felt a betrayal even more heinous and personal than when she turned on you for refusing to accept blame for your hand in causing Tavros' paralysis. At least then, she had every right, as even you (after much nagging and self-reflection) had to admit it was your fault and could have been easily avoided.

If you hadn't bulldozed over his weak protests and bullied him into going off the trail with you that day because you wanted to add a little excitement to your otherwise boring LARP session, neither of you would have fallen off that cliff and gotten injured. There's just no way Tavros would have broken the rules on his own, goody-two-shoes that he is, so yeah, that was all on you.

You think you've more than made up for it by shelling out all your hard earned cash to pay for his prosthetics _and_ going through rehabilitation with him, which was humiliating and painful on both your parts. Tavros accepted your apology anyway, and Aradia had to give up the silent treatment, so. You won.

This, though? Ha! There was no proof that they were dead. No bodies, no signs of a struggle, no sightings in the aftermath. No ransom note, even though two of the kids were related to a big shot movie director and a best-selling author. It was suspicious and worth investigating further, no matter how long it took or how hopeless it seemed.

She didn't agree with you, obviously. And you refused to listen to her when she was asking you to all but abandon Kanaya. Since neither of you would budge an inch, things very quicky got ugly. The fight that ensued was only marginally less catastrophic, and that was only because it didn't end in visual impairment this time. Still, you didn't speak to each other for three months afterwards. Bound at the hip as you were, the separation took its toll on both of you.

You only started talking again ironically because of the stupid group therapy sessions. Whenever someone would say something particularly lame or gag-worthy, Terezi was the one who your eye would continually stray to, in order to gauge her reaction and share in mocking laughter as you were wont to do.

She would always sense you and would send you a wicked grin in return before you both remembered you were no longer in cahoots, and you would awkwardly turn away in a huff and pretend to care about whatever Eridan or whoever was whining about now before inevitably beginning the cycle anew.

Eventually, however, she cracked first, pulling you aside one day and telling you up front that your denial was detrimental to your health and without any basis in reality but that she would no longer try to talk you out of it. You told her that was fine by you and that you'd missed her. Terezi had bared her teeth in a smug grin, said she'd missed you too, and that was that.

As you reach the end of the pesterlog and take a moment to process what this all means, you wonder if you should tell her about this. But you quickly disregard the idea. Terezi was close with both Kanaya and Karkat, but you know losing Karkat was the bigger blow. They had some strange rapport that you never bothered to look into, a classic will-they-won't-they that normally bored you to tears in movies and that you personally wouldn't have stood for were you in her shoes.

But whatever. They were super close, and it would kill her to finally gain a lead after all this time only for it not to pan out. As much as you feel it in your gut that this is really him, that it's finally happening, there's a very, very slim chance it might not be. You can't in good conscience bring her in on this until you've got undeniable proof. Preferably until you can deliver them to her covered in her favorite cherry red scent and with a note taped to them that contains a very emphatic _I told you so!_ in braille.

You mentally cycle through, consider, and then disregard all the others as well. Aradia, Feferi, and Equius wouldn't believe you without evidence either, too used to you stirring up shit just because you could or too busy pitying you to bother. Tavors, Nepeta, Gamzee, and Eridan would be either deadweight or likely to hinder your efforts, so they're out too.

As for your guardians, they're likely completely plastered by now. If tradition holds, they'll spend the night and next day recovering at Meenah's before heading home. Aranea's probably still relatively sober and could conceivably be of some help, but you know she'd just drag in the others anyway, considering it her responsibility, bluh!

And you do _not_ want to deal with a bunch of sad, drunk adults while you're conducting this mission. Especially not a sad, drunk Porrim. She's the only person you've ever met who can make you feel guilty enough to outright confess, and that's when she's _sober._

Ugh. Looks like your only reliable ally is the computer nerd who's been in a moody, depressed fog for four years. Well, it's not like that's new. Sollux has been the only person solidly in your corner for a while now, and isn't that just sad? It would almost make you reconsider your stance if it were about something even an ounce less important.

As it is, kid's got the good sense to know when something's fishy, and he's like a dog with a bone when he's serious. You figure it's in his blood. This is the first time you've seen any sign of a Serket in him, and you have to admit you're pleased by it. At least someone related to you isn't a total embarrassment to the family name.

Team Suck it is officially a go.

That decided, you toss Sollux his phone back (ignoring his muttered cursing) and pull out your own, hastily logging into Pesterchum to try your luck. Unfortunately, they're both offline, as they have been forever now, but you don't let your immense disappointment weigh you down. Who cares if Kanaya's not available yet?

You've got your first lead since they went missing, and the anticipation swelling in your chest is almost enough to make you breathless. That tiny flame you've been so carefully guarding for so long has finally gotten its first taste of oxygen in eons, and it's roaring into a beautiful, unstoppable wildfire. Isn't it about time you threw some irons in?

Burning up from the inside out and plan after plan spinning through your head in an intricate web, you click that greyed out name and start typing.

arachnidsGrip [AG]  began pestering  grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

AG: I knew you were alive! 

AG: Everyone except my loser of a cousin kept going on and on a8out how you were gone and that I should accept it and move on. 

AG: They even forced the rest of us to attend this lame support group!!!!!!!! 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  is offline! 

AG: I had to sit through months of these nerds talking a8out their feeeeeeeelings and trying to get me to "open up a8out my grief"! 

AG: Tavros even had the gall to pity me!!!!!!! Me!!!!!!!! 

AG: No one even 8lames me for the accidents anymore. They only accepted my apology 8ecause they felt sorry for me. 

grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  is offline! 

AG: Well, ha! The joke's on them 8ecause there was never any point in grieving in the first place! 

AG: I don't know what's going on, 8ut I'm up for solving this mystery. 

AG: Just you w8, Kanaya Maryam! I'll figure everything out and 8ring you 8oth 8ack home! :::;) 

arachnidsGrip [AG]  ceased pestering  grimAuxiliatrix [GA] 

She didn't respond, but you didn't really expect her to. Didn't need her to, not this time. That promise was more for you than anything. A personal oath you'll see through no matter what.

"Dave Thtrider pethtered Dirk around the thame time. He mentioned KN by name," Sollux tells you as he taps away at his phone, too focused to get properly peeved at you like usual. You can't help grinning at the news. You had been sure, but you can't deny the relief washing over you at the confirmation. "I'm trying to track Karkat'th thignal, but-" He grunts in frustration and then looks to you expectantly. "I can't do much on my phone. I need my thetup at home."

"What are you waiting for, then? Let's go." You hop up, throwing down a wad of cash for the meal that you had only just ordered and that hadn't even been brought out yet. Your hunger for answers far outweighs the kind that brought you here, but you're definitely going to nab some food from Sollux's fridge in repayment.

You stalk out of the restaurant, Sollux right on your heels, and you're back on the road in under a minute, Sollux's skinny, bony arms clinging tightly to your waist.

* * *

Once you get to his house, Sollux runs inside and skitters up to his room like a giant cockroach, moving faster than you've ever seen him. You take the stairs two at a time, and even still, by the time you reach his room, he's already sitting down and wired into his little nerd zone. You can see one of his screens open to his chatlog with Karkat, and the other is filled with lines of code and a command prompt window that Sollux is rapidly typing what looks like nonsense to you into.

You walk up behind him and observe over his shoulder. You have no idea what he's doing, but if it gets you Kanaya's whereabouts, you're willing to let him do his dumb hacker thing for once.

"Thince you're jutht thtanding there, you can update the otherth," Sollux says, without bothering to turn around.

"Why? They won't believe us anyway," you immediately refute, crossing your arms. You should have expected he wouldn't have come to the same conclusion as you, so you patiently explain, "I don't know about you, but I don't want to waste time arguing with them when our time _could_ be better spent finding out missing friends."

He shoots you an impressive side-eye and says, flatly, "Aradia would believe me."

You give him a pitying look. "Would she? This is the same woman who doesn't trust you to get out of bed on your own." They're not even dating, yet you're still forced to witness their gross lovey-dovey displays. It's disgusting. You don't need anyone to look after you like that, haven't since you were very small. You're self-sufficient, as any self-respecting twenty-one year old should be. "Are you sure she won't just ask you if you're off your meds again?"

Whoops, you hit a sore spot.

Glaring now, he asks, snide, "Are you thure she won't jutht athume you've blackmailed me into one of your schemes?"

You hold up your hands in surrender. "Hey, I'm on your side here. It's not my fault Aradia handles you with kid gloves." Seeing that he's buying it, you switch tracks. "Besides, it's not like they'll be of any use. Your hacking skills are necessary and so is my decisive leadership and tactical thinking. What could any of _them_ really bring to the table? And that's assuming they can get over their grief and shock enough to be useful. Which I don't think is likely after they spent a whole day being sad and miserable about never seeing Karkat and Kanaya again."

He grimaces, reminded of the sorry state your friends were in earlier and realizing you're right. As usual.

"Leave the search to the ones who never gave up. We noticed something was up from the start, and we were rewarded for our perseverance. We're better equipped to find new clues and more mentally and emotionally prepared." Some of the conflict on his face settles at that. You've got him hooked, so now's your chance to seal the deal. "Won't it feel good to find them ourselves and prove we were right? To get to say 'I told you so' right to their faces?" you ask, slyly.

Sollux rolls his eyes, turning back to his computer screens, but you catch him smirking darkly before he forces it back down. "Ugh, fine. We don't need them. I get it. We should thtill work with TT'th group. Roxy ith on my level, and Hal ith a literal A.I." He scowls and reluctantly admits, "I'm not having much thucceth on my own."

"You've got to have more confidence in yourself than that," you tell him, summoning your phone and messaging the relevant people. "You're on my team, after all! I don't accept that kind of loser talk!"

"I haven't _lotht_ ," he scoffs, before attacking the keyboard with more gusto.

Where would these suckers even be without you to bring out their true potential? You really are the glue holding this group of sadsacks together. You shake your head and focus on your own duties.

arachnidsGrip [AG] opened memo They lived, 8itch! on board The Outsiders.

arachnidsGrip [AG]  invited artofficialRobro [AR], twinArmageddons [TA], tipsyGnostalgic [TG], and timaeusTestified [TT]  to memo. 

tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  responded to memo. 

TG: hey vriska!!! 

TG: id olnt ahve time to chat im in the middle of sometign right now 

TG: *dont *have *something 

AG: I know. It's the same thing I'm working on. 

AG: I called you all here to propose that we work together to find our missing friends. 

artofficialRobro [AR]  responded to memo. 

AR: So that's what you're going for. The classic team up. 

AR: Calling together an eclectic group of talented individuals to work towards a common goal. I like it. 

AR: Can I be the sassy sidekick? I was literally created for it. 

AG: Who else would 8e? 

AG: I am, of course, the charism8ic leader and tactician. Roxy's the eye candy that can and will kick your ass, Dirk's the muscle, and Sollux is my number two. 

twinArmageddons [TA]  responded to memo. 

timaeusTestified [TT]  responded to memo. 

TA: who 2aiid you were the leader? 

TT: I don't know how I feel having my skills being reduced to "the muscle". 

TG: aww cmon i think it sutis you! 

TG: *suits 

TT: Of course you do. You're the hot badass. 

TG: and i accpet my role gracueflyl 

TG: *accept *gracefully 

TG: ugh i think i might still be a lil drunk 

AR: I personally see no issues with the assigned roles. 

AR: I think you were spot on in your analysis, leader. 

AG: Why, thank you. :::;) 

AG: What have you got for us so far, sassy sidekick? 

AR: I was able to verify their accounts, and I ran their responses against a database I collected of their previous pesterlogs and text messages. 

artofficialRobro [AR]  posted theresultsarein.doc 

AR: It was a 94.37% match for Karkat Vantas and an 89.88% match for Dave Strider. 

TA: what cau2ed the dii2pariity iin 2triider'2 ca2e? 

AR: He's picked up a typing quirk in the last four years, which skewed the data. 

AR: Like you, he doubles specific letters. As you "ccan" see in the results. 

AG: Who cares! It's o8viously them. 

AG: Have you tried to pinpoint their location? Sollux wasn't a8le to. 

AG: The one time a situation crops up where we actually need a hacker, and he's useless. 

TA: oh 2hut up. iit'2 not liike you've been any help 

TA: all you've done ii2 bo22 people around 

AR: Unfortunately, no. I tried while they were still chatting, but the signal doesn't exist. 

AR: It's not even the usual case where it jumps all over the place, or its hidden behind some kind of firewall. 

AR: The signal only "existed" on Dirk's end. It's like Dirk was talking to himself. 

AR: That doesn't even happen when he's talking to me, and I'm an artificial intelligence that lives in his shades, his primary communication device. 

AR: I've never seen anything like it. 

TA: ii ran iintwo the 2ame problem 

TA: can't track 2omethiing that doe2n't exii2t 

TG: yeah ive got nothign on my end iether 

TG: *nothing *either 

TG: damn 

TG: i wish id been awake when he messaged i couldve talked to him too 

AR: If it helps, I didn't get to talk to him either. 

TG: it kinda does 

TG: thanks hal :) 

TG: but what are we gonna do now 

AG: We're going to find them, of course. 

AG: Sucks that we can't do it the easy way, 8ut whatever! 

AG: It's not like it's impossi8le. They 8oth said a 8unch of incriminating stuff, so there's got to 8e something that will tell us where they are or what they've 8een up to. 

AG: Compile a list of anything 8izzare or suspicious in their responses, and we'll compare and contrast them. May8e they let something 8ig slip. 

AR: Done. 

artofficialRobro [AR]  posted bizzareandsuspiciousshit.doc 

AR: tldr: Dave alluded to possessing time related powers, which if true is unironically awesome, and had no idea he'd been missing. Vantas was similarly unaware. 

AR: Vantas also implied that he was not human and was shocked to find that Captor was. This likely explains the bananas vernacular he employed in much of his diatribes. 

AR: On that note, I am dying to know what a "NOOK" is since he was clearly not referring to the dictionary definition. 

AR: He used part of it in a different phrase, e.g. "YOUR HEAD IS SHOVED UP YOUR NOOK", wherein "nook" would normally be replaced by "ass". 

AR: That being the case, I can only presume a "nook" is analogous to human genitalia, i.e. a "NOOKWPE" could theoretically also be an "ASSWIPE". 

AR: But I will require further investigation to determine whether this is accurate. The information I have been provided so far is woefully lacking. 

TT: That's a hell of a mystery no one thought was a mystery and didn't really need solving, but damn if it didn't just get solved. 

TG: so nice work ;) 

TT: If we could get back to discussing actually important information, Dave called himself the "time guy" and claimed there was "time fucckery afoot". 

TT: Both he and Vantas alleged that it had only been a day and a half since they'd last seen us, which is impossible unless Hal's super power theory holds up. 

TG: um im convinced its them but should we really be taking anything they say at face value 

TG: if they were kidnapped they could have been drugged 

TG: that would explain the confusion and lack of coherence 

TG: or maybe its something else 

TG: i just dont think time travel should be our first guess 

TA: 2he'2 riight 

TA: who know2 what kiinda 2hiit they've been through 

TA: anyone would be fucked up iif they'd been locked up for four year2 

TA: and that'2 our be2t ca2e 2cenariio 

AG: Assuming it is drug induced memory loss or delusion, some of the things they said still don't make sense. 

AG: Karkat thought Sollux would know what happened to him. He was sure of it. 

AG: He thought Aradia and Terezi might know too. 

AG: He was really calm a8out everything until Sollux told him he wasn't human. That's what had him scram8ling to fix his mistake 8efore logging out. 

AG: The same thing happened with Dave. 

AG: In 8oth cases, they assumed the person they were pestering would know what had happened to them, and they got flustered when they discovered otherwise. 

TT: Dave was frustratingly chill up until he panicked. They both panicked. 

TT: They had to be in the same room while they were pestering us. Vantas implied as much, and Dave said Rose and Maryam were with him. 

TT: They were definitely talking to each other and sharing information. 

TT: Maybe they realized something was wrong and decided to cut their losses and end their conversations asap. Or maybe they were trying to tell us something and ran out of time. 

TG: you think theyre being monitored 

TT: You have to admit it's a possibility. It would explain why they couldn't just tell us what was going on straight up. 

TA: you thiink they 2aiid two much and had two pretend otherwii2e two prevent whoever ii2 watchiing them from notiiciing? 

TA: maybe one of them wa2 beiing purpo2ely mii2leadiing iin order two conceal the pertiinent iinformatiion hiidden iin the other'2 me22age2 

AR: If so, Vantas' messages were confusing to the point of distraction. Dave, on the other hand, mentioned something pretty interesting before brushing it aside and logging off. Almost as if to downplay its importance. 

TT: The game. 

AR: The game. 

TG: sburb right i rmember we were goign to play it togehre 

TG: *remember *going *together 

TG: didnt it get canceled after they went missing 

AG: W8 a minute. 

AG: I think the game and Karkat's insistence on not 8eing human are actually related. 

AG: Sollux, you of all people should have already caught on. 

TA: what? 

TA: oh 2hiit 

TA: ii hate iit when you're riight 

TG: whats she talking about 

TG: you lost me 

AG: Since you had to 8e reminded, you should 8e the one to explain. 

TA: uggggghhhh 

TA: iif you remember there were two ver2iion2 of the game. 2burb and 2grub 

TA: 2burb allowed you two play a2 a human and iin 2grub you could play a2 an aliien 

TA: they were giiant 2andbox world2 that were 2haped by theiir player2' per2onaliitiie2 and choiice2 

TA: and theiir biigge2t 2ell wa2 that you could connect up two twelve of your friiend2' world2 two create a uniique uniiver2e and evolviing narratiive 

TA: the catch wa2 that only human player2 could connect two each other, and aliien2 could only connect two other aliien2 

TA: when vk and tz found out they made u2 promii2e to play a2 aliien2 becau2e they 2ounded cooler 

TT: So Vantas really was referring to the game as well. Huh. 

TT: It all comes back to a video game we didn't even play? 

TA: or a viideo game company 

TA: mobiiu2 went under and the game2 were canceled only a week after they went mii22iing 

TA: that'2 when iit wa2 announced anyway 

TA: but now that ii thiink about iit, the actual day the company wa2 offiiciially dii22olved wa2 june twelfth 

TG: the same day 

TG: that cant be a coincidence right 

TG: not when both dave and karkat hinted that we should look into it 

AG: Nope!!!!!!!! We're onto something here. 

AG: Now one of you computer nerds just needs to work your magic and get us info on Mobius. 

AG: That's your cue, sassy sidekick. 

AR: Well, I've got good news and bad news. 

AG: 8ad news first. 

AR: Actually, it's more like shocking news and even more shocking news, but I digress. 

AR: I've been scouring the 'net for information on Mobius and Sburb since they were first brought up, and I wasn't able to find anything. 

TT: You didn't find anything linking Mobius to their disappearance? 

AR: I didn't say that. 

AR: Sburb/Sgrub was scheduled for a worldwide release, and there was an ongoing promotional campaign up until it was canceled. 

AR: You couldn't turn on your TV or walk down the street without seeing one of their ads. 

AR: People everywhere were looking forward to it, not just because of the lofty promises Mobius made about gameplay but because they created an entirely new engine to run their game that completely revolutionized the video game industry. 

AR: No AAA game that's come out since has been created with a different engine. 

AR: I'm sure you remember the backlash they received once they announced there would be no game only a month before release. It was pretty brutal. 

TG: yeah some kids egged their building downtown 

TG: and i think someone even threw a brick through their window 

TG: wasn't it on the news 

AR: Yes, it was. 

TT: Where are you going with this, Hal? 

AR: This might sound familiar. 

AR: Despite how infamous Mobius and its gutted game is, I can't find any evidence that either ever existed. 

AR: No articles, no Wikipedia page, no news clips, no memes, no tweets. 

AR: Their website was taken down. The Ouroboros engine is now credited to an anonymous developer. Their social media accounts have all been deleted. 

AR: Their online presence has been completely erased, alongside absolutely anything that might have ever mentioned them. 

TG: welp 

TG: thats hella suspicious 

TT: No kidding. 

TA: the amount of work and 2kiill that would take 

TA: two be that thorough, there'2 no way they diid that legally 

TA: mobiiu2 defiiniitely ha2 theiir own hacker 

AG: Good work, my sassy sidekick! 

AG: Now, what's the good news? 

AR: While trying to find any trace of Mobius, I discovered a security camera located on the corner of a building across from their headquarters downtown. 

AR: Guess whoever they had doing their dirty work didn't think to check it. 

AR: Maybe because it's an older model, and the owner doesn't upload the footage to an online server. I only happened to find it because he left his USB plugged in, and all the files are stored on there.   


TT: What did you find?   


AR: Perhaps it's better if I show you?   


artofficialRobro [AR]  posted plottwistofthefuckingcentury.jpg   


AR: On June 12th, 2010, Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde, Kanaya Maryam, and Karkat Vantas were caught on camera going inside Mobius HQ.   


TA: what?   


TT: Holy shit.   


TG: what???   


AG: Excellent work, Hal. :::;)   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Timeline:**  
>  Chapters 3, 5, & 7/all earthside chapters occur on the same day/night.
> 
> Chapters 4 & 6/troll-side chapters after initial communication with earth occur in the weeks afterward.
> 
> Once the two sides finally synchronize, the chapters will also synchronize, meaning a single chapter will be split into different points of view of both sides rather than one POV per chapter as we've been doing. Which I am looking forward to. It will allow for more action + character interactions. The plot will really get going then. ;)
> 
> Listen. L I S T E N. Vriska is not my favorite character. She's not my least favorite either. I don't look up/read fic with her as the MC purely out of disinterest. But. She was surprisingly really entertaining to write???? And. I think I might love her actually???? I wrote her more like PreRetcon/died on the meteor Vriska, so maybe that's it?? Idk. She's probably OOC lmao
> 
> Vriska lost her arm in the same accident that injured Tavros. They were LARPing on a mountain, and they went off the trail. She slipped and fell, and in her panic, she grabbed Tavros and dragged him down with her. He got his canon injury, and her arm got stuck between the cliffside and a boulder.
> 
> Later, Terezi and Vriska were injured in a different incident, ironically while they were arguing over the Tavros incident. Will elaborate at some point.
> 
> ((I actually forgot she injured her eye lmao so I had to go back and add it in ch3 after posting. Also!! If you're concerned about her driving, there are plenty of people who drive with impaired vision in one eye. Especially motorcycles!))
> 
> I looked it up, and apparently, lisping on "sh", "ch", and "j" are less common than just "s" or "z". So that's why I've left those alone when writing Sollux's dialogue.
> 
> The trolls-turned-humans are related to each other in the same way the humans are. Kankri+Karkat and Porrim+Kanaya are cousins. As are Mituna+Sollux and Aranea+Vriska. And so on. I've got a whole chart. Why did I choose Sollux and Vriska to be cousins?? I didn't, really. I rolled dice and paired everyone up by chance. Except for the Vantas+Maryam families, which was deliberate.
> 
> Vriska & Sollux are v salty about being the only ones to hold out hope, which lead to the questionable decision to not include the others in the initial search. ((Also it allowed me to put off writing the whole ensemble + their reactions lol)) 
> 
> Dirk, Hal, & Roxy, on the other hand, have at least alerted their guardians. ((Who are, ironically, also a little drunk, but it's not like they're piloting the plane, so???))
> 
> The human Pesterchum doesn't have transtimeline capabilities, so the memo works differently. No need for labels like "CURRENT arachnidsGrip [AG]" or "RIGHT NOW" bc uhh,, it's always the current version responding at that moment. It might have timestamps instead, but eh.
> 
> As for the Hal + Vriska dynamic, I thought the ARquius + Vriska interactions were hilarious in the comic, and it's kind of a remnant of that. They're just both very smug and obnoxious lol
> 
> Hal's chathandle: artofficialRobro [AR]
> 
> art official = rap artist, appreciates fine pony art, art of irony, etc. also a play on "artificial"
> 
> Robro = robot bro (brobot doesn't exist in this au, rip in pieces)
> 
> It's ironically shitty lol
> 
> How about that cliffhanger??? Did you think the game would end up being important in this AU?? Why do you think the four of them were there??? Together??? I'm curious if anyone can figure it out. ;)


	8. Kanaya: Pick up on things the others missed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then I said, "I'm going to update once a month!" You know, like a liar. _(:3」∠)_
> 
> Made a [ side blog ](https://truculentthespian.tumblr.com/) for this fic! Check it out for progress/word count for each chapter + deleted scenes & extras.
> 
> Since I'll be posting once a month rather than on a specific day, you might need to subscribe to this fic here or follow me on ^tumblr, so you'll know when I update. I even give a head's up on tumblr before an update, so you'll know to expect it. ;)

**== > Kanaya: Pick up on things the others missed**

You find yourself quietly overwhelmed again and again on this ship, in this new universe. Shaken, more than ever before, though your composure never wavers. It takes more effort that you would like, not to stop and stare each time you come into contact with these previously unthinkable concepts. Not to gasp and gape at each revolutionary idea put into practice. Not to cave to the ingrained terror and distrust of anything that does not fall within the established conventions of a society that has long perished.

Still, you think you can be forgiven, considering. Because, well-

There are mutants within your crew. Trolls with blood visibly, startlingly off spectrum. In the wipes since your awakening, you have personally witnessed orange, light blue, bright yellow, and even Karkat's candy red, and each time, you have forced yourself not to flinch back or hiss in response to what your instincts perceive as something terribly, inherently _wrong._

No less strange and foreign are those with disabilities. Obvious disabilities that cannot or have not been compensated for with prosthetics, such as Vriska's eye and arm or Tavros' legs. Trolls missing limbs or senses or whose brains work against them in a way even medication can only slightly curb. Trolls who have not been deemed unfit for service and society and culled before they could bring shame to the Empire or add their perceived weaknesses to the slurry.

No, instead they have been freely given assistance. Tools to aid them in everynight life rather than to make them "useful" to their Empress - or in this case, their Council. You have seen four wheeled devices like Tavros', rails upon stairs, troll braille embossed onto every sign. Canes with informative stripes, trained service lusii, compulsory sign language, and subtitles on movies and TV.

It is even stranger to know that it was your ancestor who advocated for these changes alongside her revitalization of the entire medical field.

As soon as she had the power to make a difference, to enact her son's vision, she did so, enlisting the advice of those personally affected to get things up and running before leaving them in charge once those changes would not be immediately undone.

She is also the reason jadebloods are no longer confined to the caverns, to a single career path. Many can still be found looking after the mother grub, especially since they do not have to cull any of the wrigglers nor send them to their possible deaths in the Trials (which have been dismantled entirely.) Now, you imagine the Brooding Caverns to be much more similar to its human equivalent.

To your (probably unwarranted) surprise, jadebloods actually comprise the bulk of the medical force. No doubt following in your ancestor's footsteps. Even you - the other you - had ultimately chosen to become a medic over joining an enclave despite your motherly nature because some part of you had wanted to live up to her image, to understand her better, this woman who was so like you in so many ways and yet entirely different.

What drove her? How could she summon the strength to pick herself up and move on after she lost absolutely everything she held dear? How did she strive to make the world - their violent, merciless, terrible world - a better place when it was her son's death and not his tireless efforts beforehand that finally stoked the fires of revolution? What did she feel, looking back on all that she accomplished, knowing that the man who wished for it and believed in it so strongly had not lived to see it?

You think you understand her a little better, now. Having lived through your own Alternia and the subsequent games that lost you so much, that changed you so fundamentally as a person, that gained you a matesprit and two close friends whom you can trust with absolute certainty not to stab you in the back, you have gained more perspective than the Kanaya who knew only peace. 

You are stronger for your struggles and pain. You have moved on from your heartbreak and betrayal. You are, perhaps, the best version of yourself, and you are improving everynight. In small ways, all the time, with every interaction and decision, unseen and unspoken but very real.

Perhaps, despite all that she had lost, Dolorosa was able to carve out a bright future from the wreckage of their first failure with the knowledge that her beloved son would be overjoyed at her success and ecstatic that his dream had been achieved by her in his place. You, too, would like to make something beautiful from the scattered remains of your sessions and build a life together with the people you love by your side.

Unfortunately, there is still much to accomplish before you can realize your own dream. Not only do you still recoil from your less than conventional crewmates, but on the other frond, you must also fight against the instilled wariness of adults, which is only made a tad easier by the fact you are yourself one now.

The memories you have obtained from your other self are quite troublesome in this regard. She has never known fear nor hardship. Never spent sweeps soaking in the sun because she knew she would be forever shrouded in darkness upon entering the caverns. Never worried incessantly about how to prevent her moirail from murdering her other friends and failing miserably. Never shouldered the burden of keeping her entire species alive. Never witnessed that species' last hope be destroyed before her very eyes.

You do not resent her for this, for her naivety or ignorance, but you do find yourself irked by the conflicting instincts and subsequent wave of nausea whenever you happen upon another impossibility. You are so very tired of wanting to flinch back or surge forward and dealing with the backlash from doing neither. There is surely no benefit to straining yourself so, but as things are, you do not have a solution.

You have not discussed this with the others. You are not entirely certain as to why. You know now that Karkat has always lived in fear of others, of being discovered, of forcing his friends to choose between him and their own lives-beliefs-peace of mind, sure that the outcome would be unfortunate no matter what side of the scale he landed on. Most importantly, unlike Rose or Dave, he knows the old Alternia as intimately as you do and possesses the same instincts in his mutant blood. He would understand.

It just feels...trite. Silly, even. Compared to the myriad other issues facing you and your companions (not least of which is crossing a galaxy to reunite with rest of your ragtag group), your struggles to cope with your own nature inevitably seem less important. You know your friends would not feel the same way, but not volunteering your own problems and woes is yet another ingrained behavior that you find hard to shake.

It is perchance another reason your moirallegiance with Vriska was doomed to failure, beyond your hopeless flush crush. As much as you enjoy meddling in your friends' affairs, you are surprisingly (or not so) resistant to permitting others to meddle in your own. It is the mothergrub in you, as Nepeta once teased. Like lusus, like wriggler, as it were. You are all too used to taking care of others and allowing your own problems to fall by the wayside. It is subconscious, at this point. Habitual.

You let out a mildly distressed sigh and then quickly glance around to make sure no one noticed. Luckily, your office is still empty, and as it is your break, you can expect peace and quiet for at least as long as it lasts. You are not sure your nerves could take an interruption.

As one of the Descendants and the highest rank officer in this area of the ship, you are all too often under an intense scrutiny the likes of which you have never experienced before. The other you is a touch more accustomed to the constant attention, but even that part of you is uncomfortable.

Unlike on Alternia, where you could retreat to the safety of your hive for privacy or your neighbors had grown used to you and the novelty had worn off, here, there is no escape. Sure, you have your private quarters, but you can hardly spend all your time tucked away. The wipe excused from your duties that Karkat had won the four of you was all too rare. Generally, you only have a few hours at day to sleep before you have get up and go back to work, out into the ship and under prying, curious, worshipful eyes, and it is not nearly enough.

This, at least, is something you know you share with the others. Many a memo has devolved into complaints about the lack of solitude, and as such, more than often than not, the four of you (or whatever combination happens to free at the time) congregate in one of your personal blocks - usually Karkat's, as the most spacious - which is the only place your crew members dare not intrude upon lightly.

It is much like your time spent on the meteor, you muse. You and Rose sequestered away in one of your rooms, separated from the others by long, dark hallways and the echoing emptiness of the laboratories. Even Vriska respected your boundaries to a point, only inserting herself in between you in mutually agreed public spaces, like the TV viewing room, the kitchen, or Can Town. Places you all tended to convene when the isolation began to grate.

You know Dave feared witnessing sights better left unseen and so always messaged to ask for his sister's company or advice in his rambling, round about way rather than dropping by unannounced, and Karkat was simply too much of a romantic to barge in without warning if he knew you were together - although that never stopped him from trolling you at inopportune times when upset.

Gamzee was kept on a tight leash by Vriska, and Terezi was apparently content with shooting you knowing grins and salacious remarks whenever she happened upon you. It goes without saying that the Mayor would never purposely inconvenience anyone.

You believe it was much the same for Dave and Karkat.

As it is now, there is an unspoken agreement between those of you left that the rules have changed. Allowances have been made, now that you are outnumbered, with so little information and so few allies. Now that you know from at least one source that it is likely the four of you alone retain knowledge of the previous sessions. It is acceptable for you to take refuge where you can, even if it means shifting dynamics so carefully observed during your trip through paradox space.

All that is to say, it is no surprise to you to find Dave silently slipping into your office and confidently stealing into your miniaturized metal vault to nab some grub snacks before dropping gracelessly down onto your lounge plank and quirking a dark brow at you over his shades.

"Jesus fuck, Maryam, you're coiled tighter than an old white dude after being told he'd have to wait an extra ten minutes to be seated by a part-time waiter with dead eyes who doesn't get paid enough for this," he says, tearing open the bag, sniffing it, and grimacing at, presumably, the insects he still finds so unappealing. 

He looks back up at you and continues without missing a beat, "I don't think throwing a tantrum will get you that discount, and it's really more Karkat's style anyway, so why don't you spill what's bugging you to the sibling who won't try to convince you all your problems spawn from uncomfortable sexual desires that may or may not involve your mother?"

Apparently hungry enough to set aside his disgust, he grabs a clawful of caramelized grubs and shoves them unceremoniously inside his mouth, only gagging a little. He chews loudly, completely stone-faced, as he awaits your answer.

"...I think I would like that," you say, after taking a moment to mull it over. Two and half sweeps on the meteor with humans has steeled you against their unintentionally pale advances, and though he is a troll now, you know this offer to be just as platonic as the others. Besides, you really do need to talk to someone, you just spent an inordinate amount of time pondering over your attempts to change, and he is already here, ready and willing to listen. Who are you to overlook this opportunity?

You explain everything to him, not leaving out a single detail as you attempt to describe your predicament, and he is a silent, attentive audience all the while. By the time you are finished, you find that you do feel a bit better. You had not been unaware how heavily this was weighing on you, but simply talking about it aloud has relieved a considerable amount of pressure.

Once he is sure you are done, he speaks, "Well, I dunno about troll instincts or whatever. Didn't exactly get Troll 101 once I switched sides. Just a sick pair of horns and a color swap, like some dude just eye dropped a troll™ palette and filled in the lines. No artistic flair whatsoever. But I do get feeling like you've gotta be on guard all the time and how fucking exhausting that shit is."

He visibly hesitates before pushing on, talking faster than before, "I dunno how much Karkat or Rose have told you, but uh, my childhood wasn't exactly easy street either despite me, you know, not living on your shitshow of a planet. Turns out shitty people exist everywhere. But, yeah, even now that the dude who fucked me up so badly is six feet under like three times over, I still can't help feeling like he's still here, watching me, just waiting to jump out of nowhere."

You had not, in fact, been told much about Dave's home life. Despite their shared loquaciousness, neither Rose nor Karkat were inclined to divulging personal information without the consent of the other party, and neither were you the kind of troll to press for such details.

Nevertheless, you had picked up on some things. It was inevitable considering they spent a lot of time in close proximity, and Dave was so cagey and tightlipped about his circumstances for much of that time that you were able to draw your own conclusions based solely on things he didn't say - or that which he was hastily (and horribly) covered up.

Deceptively casual, Dave decaptchas an Apple Juice but doesn't immediately drink it, instead passing it from hand to hand as he looks anywhere but at you. "What I'm saying is I kinda get it, and I agree that it sucks balls, so yeah."

Not for the first time, you find yourself charmed by this human-turned-troll. He is clearly uncomfortable bearing his feelings to you, but he is willingly doing so in order to comfort you. To let you know that you are not alone in your distress. He is trying to relate to you, as a friend, and you cannot help being touched by his care and concern.

(Cannot help the flutter of your traitorous bloodpusher at this blatantly pale overture.)

Smiling helplessly, you tell him, "Thank you, Dave. It truly does suck balls."

Surprised, he lets out a bark of a laugh, and your smile widens, pleased to note the unwinding of his own too tense posture, the genuine amusement on the visible parts of his face. If he accidentally trills in response, you pretend not to notice, and the two of you spend the rest of your break chatting about less serious topics.

After he wanders off to bother Karkat and you prepare to return to your duties, you realize the prospect is much less daunting than it once was.

* * *

Matespritships involve an almost inconceivable amount of trust. Trolls are wary and duplicitous by necessity and must maintain due caution even amongst friends. One need look no further than your own friend group to find an example. Deaths and dismemberment were common among groupings of young trolls, and it would not have been out of the ordinary had half of you perished before you reached adulthood, even without the extraordinary circumstances impressed upon you by the game.

All of the quadrants require some vulnerability. Some security in the knowledge that neither would kill the other. That was the appeal for many of you. Safety, a refuge in your death filled world. Romance is so important to trolls because it is the only time you can truly let your guard down, at least somewhat.

Your matespritship with Rose is...different, on all accounts. Perhaps it is naive, but once you got to know her as more than the species that was responsible for your imminent demise, you never believed she would harm you. You trusted her implicitly, and that trust has been rewarded time and again, as she has saved you and your friends and vice versa. There was never any fear or wariness. You fell, and you fell hard.

Not even in your wildest fantasies had you imagined a relationship could be so lovely. So unbearably sweet. So painfully tender. Occasionally, your sharp edges will scrape and jar against one another, but for the most part, you find the gaps and fit perfectly together, like puzzle pieces. Like a tapestry, interwoven finely with the finest silk. Like the cheesiest of your tawdry love stories.

Rose smiles at you, a private, fleeting thing, there and gone before her brother notices, and it takes your breath away. She lays a hand delicately on yours, absentmindedly, like reaching for you is automatic and requires no input, and it burns pleasantly wherever your skin meets. She makes a witty quip, her pretty purple eyes sparkling with mirth, her painted black lips pressed together to form a tantalizing smirk, and when she catches you looking, you light up, literally and figuratively.

You love and are loved in return, and no matter what difficulties you have faced, no matter what troubles await you in the future, you can take solace in that fact, relish in it, float happily together in your own self-made bubble of pure bliss.

calamitousGeas [CG] began trolling tactfulGuillotine [TG]

CG: Let us pretend f()r a m()ment that I d() n()t p()ssess future sight and thus d() n()t already kn()w the answer t() this questi()n I will n()w p()se t() y()u.

TG: I Thought We Were Already Doing So But Very Well

CG: Are y()u free t() engage in undiscl()sed but nevertheless r()mantic activities with y()ur matesprit wh()m y()u pr()fess t() l()ve and ad()re?

TG: I Do Not Know

TG: Is She Available

CG: Ha. I sh()uld have expected this, and yet.

TG: You Really Should Have

TG: Fortunately I Do Not Need Sight To Know That My Matesprit Is Indeed Free To Accompany Me To The Aforementioned Undisclosed Yet Obviously Romantic Activities

TG: And So Am I

CG: W()nderful. Meet me at y()ur place.

TG: Oh Is It That Kind Of Activity

CG: I believe that is s()mething y()u sh()uld be able t() discern f()r y()urself. ;)

TG: I Was Not Prepared For The Emoticon

TG: I Thought We Were Going to Finish The Projects We Started Last Wipe

TG: Now I Am Starting To Think I Might Have Misjudged The Situation

CG: ;)

TG: Rose That Winky Face Is Concerning

CG: I'm trying ()ut a new seducti()n technique. Is it w()rking?

TG: I Can Assure You That It Is Not

CG: Alas, twas n()t meant t() be.

TG: You Are Enticing Enough Without The Need For Flirty Emoticons

CG: My, my, Kanaya, y()u never fail t() ()utflirt me.

CG: I'll have t() up my game.

CG:  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

TG: What On The Battlefield's Checkered Ground Is That Abomination

CG: It is a curious little relic of the human internet. circa 2012.

CG: Amazing, the things humans come up with when not decimated by a universe-destroying game.

TG: Hm 

TG: I Think It Is No Coincidence Humanity Was Supposed To Have Ceased To Exist Before Then

CG: What a delightfully m()rbid take, my dear Kanaya.

TG: I Said What I Said

TG: I Am Done Here So I Will Be Heading Your Way Shortly

CG: See y()u then. ;)

calamitousGeas [CG] ceased trolling tactfulGuillotine [TG]

* * *

You are, technically speaking, not supposed to engage with your subordinates beyond your role as their superior officer. With respect to your authority, it is, apparently, beneath you to converse with lower ranked officers outside the chain of command. In practice, however, you are all trolls whatever your status, and trolls are social creatures. That is why, even on your less...friendly Alternia, trolls kept in close contact with one another in spite of the very real danger it might have and often did invoke. Your learned desensitization to violence aside.

Technically, lines of communication between crew members are for work only, and all contact with the outside world is heavily monitored and regulated on the off chance someone leaks vital intel. Diplomatic missions are highly regarded by the Council and treated with the utmost importance because Alternia needs not only the resources but the real estate their connections with other planets provides.

Well before the Condesce began her conquest of the universe, you species had become overpopulated, and the problem had persisted well into her reign. Your home world could no longer sustain you, and so you branched out into the stars, conquering other worlds and looting their assets all while HIC urged you to fight amongst yourselves in a fucked up form of population control that also nicely ensured her own power.

Immigration was as necessary then as it is now. With culling forbidden and modern medical practices ensuring the wellbeing of trolls at all stages of life and physical and mental fitness, you can only seek out new resources and compatible biomes elsewhere. Thus, the Alliance. Thus, the significance placed on your success. Thus, the severity regarding any possibility of failure.

Again, in practice, while your subordinates adhere to their sworn oaths to uphold secrecy, it is impossible to prevent them from accessing the internet completely and a waste of time to monitor, not without breaking about a dozen different laws regarding privacy, civil rights, et cetera. You can only block certain websites and flag specific keywords, an ever growing list that the ship's AI and its erstwhile tech department handles with a deftness and swiftness that has left many a troll quietly cursing.

Since all social media is banned, there is an unofficial messaging app modified to work with ship software that was created by an enterprising troll sweeps ago to combat boredom and that trolls in the sweeps since have taken to upgrading and updating alongside each new generation of technology. It is an open secret among the crew. 

After it was vetted by their security department, higher ups decided to look the other way, content to have an outlet for their crew that doesn't involve shenanigans that might disrupt workflow, and your ship is no exception.

Except, well…

You Descendants are held to a higher standard than most and as such are not allowed quite as much freedom. You do not believe for a moment that your personal hivetop is not bugged or that your browser history is at all private. The internet and social media are as freely available to you as answers about the new universe and how you ended up here.

That is to say, it is not available to you at all. This small, self-contained, neglected app is your only chance to converse with other trolls with any anonymity.

So it is with this understanding that you find yourself logging into an unofficially Trollian knock off with the account the other Kanaya created and checking out the private group chat she was in that was currently blowing up your palmhusk, intensely curious about these trolls you only vaguely remember from her memories and interested in what Rose had jokingly referred to as "the tea."

** Crew Communications v6.1.2  **

** Blood Anonymity: Enabled **✔**  
Status: Private[🔐](https://emojipedia.org/closed-lock-with-key/) **

YourenotmYreallusus:  guYs gals & nonbinarY pals You will not guess what I just witnessed with mine own ganderbulbs

losin9timeintheslime: was it ultere snortin9 9rubios?

YourenotmYrealusus: no???????

YourenotmYreallusus: should I have?????

losin9timeintheslime: thou9ht you mi9ht have run into her on your way back

losin9timeintheslime: she said it helps keep her funcitionin9 on like two hours of sleep but i'm not about to take advice from the chick who tried to convince me stars were a conspiracy

YourenotmYreallusus: wh

YourenotmYreallusus: what does that mean

losin9timeintheslime: she doesn't think stars exist

YourenotmYreallusus: we've flown bY stars before???

YourenotmYreallusus: wait isn't she a navigator???

losin9timeintheslime: yes. yes she is.

GlowUp: This is super interesting and all, but Ultere being a weirdo isn't ex@ly news.

GlowUp: Wh@ did you see, Soaren?

YourenotmYreallusus: oh right!!!!

YourenotmYreallusus: I caught Etrake and Heqsal making out in the hallwaY outside the cafeteria!!!

hewwo??: ha!! you owe me 50 ceagars, Faedas!! uwu

memEqueeN: holD oN wE don'T eveN knoW whaT quadranT they'rE iN

memEqueeN: waS iT flusH oR pitcH reN?

YourenotmYreallusus: I think it was flush?? I'm not sure lol You'll have to ask them 

hewwo??: don't think i won't!! this might be the first time i win a bet against Faedas!! uwu 

memEqueeN: thE daY yoU wiN a beT againsT mE iS thE daY i parT froM thiS mortaL coiL 

proud_scaly: i_would_have_thought_pitch_myself 

losin9timeintheslime: i know right? half the time i think they're 9onna stab each other 

SecretSufferer9696: Uh h4s 4nyone spoken to our brothers and sisters b4ck home? 

YourenotmYreallusus: no? whY? 

SecretSufferer9696: I don't think it w4s 4 coincidence th4t we left when we did. 

SecretSufferer9696: Or th4t we weren't 4llowed to tell 4nyone th4t we'd been picked to join the Descend4nts' crew. 

memEqueeN: whaT makeS yoU saY thaT? 

SecretSufferer9696: The Empiri4lists l4unched 4nother 4tt4ck right 4fter we left. 

SecretSufferer9696: They t4rgeted both the dock where our ship w4s supposed to be 4nd the hives of e4ch of the Descend4nts. 

hewwo??: fuck uwu 

hewwo??: if any of us had leaked… uwu 

GlowUp: Luckily, no one did. 

GlowUp: But Perima, wh@ did you mean when you said you didn't think it was a coincidence th@ we left when we did ex@ly? 

SecretSufferer9696: Think 4bout it. The Empiri4lists h4ve been more 4nd more 4ctive l4teltly. 

SecretSufferer9696: They even d4red to 4tt4ck the p4r4de celebr4ating the 4ncestors, 4nd th4t's the biggest event of the sweep 4s well 4s the most well protected. 

proud_scaly: they_didn't_even_get_close_to_the_descendants_though 

SecretSufferer9696: But they did g4in publicity. No one re4lly knew who they were or if they re4lly existed beyond rumors before the 4tt4ck. 

SecretSufferer9696: However, the 4ncestor p4r4de is bro4dc4sted 4cross the entire network. Every colony on every pl4net tunes in to w4tch. 

SecretSufferer9696: So now everyone knows there's 4 terrorist group out there 4ttempting to ch4nge things b4ck to how they used to be. 

YourenotmYreallusus: and we all know highbloods who would jump at the chance to be on top again 

YourenotmYreallusus: damn Y_Y 

hewwo??: so it was meant to be free fucking advertising uwu 

memEqueeN: anD iF theY werE bolD enougH tO usE thE attacK oN thE paradE aS advertisemenT theN there'S nO guaranteE thE descendantS woulD bE safE, iS thaT iT? 

SecretSufferer9696: My thoughts ex4ctly. 

GlowUp: Wh@, so this whole mission was just an excuse to get the Descendants off planet? 

losin9timeintheslime: seems that way 

proud_scaly: do_you_think_they_know? 

memEqueeN: theY musT 

memEqueeN: whY woudn'T theY? 

Why, indeed?

You ponder over this question someone new enters the chat and thoroughly derails the conversation. As you attempt to recall anything pertinent from the other Kanaya's experiences, you reluctantly accept that this is not the first time information has been withheld from you.

The four of you are simultaneously upheld as powerful political figures with considerable sway over public opinion and treated as nothing more than figure heads, only told just enough to know what is expected of you in any give situation but given any real consideration as people. People who might want to know that their hives and lusii(?) were attacked or that they might be in danger, right now.

It is no wonder you were encouraged to depart in total secrecy, or that you were given approval to leave at all, given your high statuses. No wonder you were allowed to hand pick your crew, to choose a henceforth unexplored sector of space despite the risks. No wonder you were given so little oversight and not saddled with a council member for a crewmate. No wonder you were not forced to make a spectacle of yourselves, the way you often are.

You should have realized. One of you should have noticed, should have read the signs, should have recognized that something was wrong.

You think back and suppose you might have, but the prospect of freedom - or as close to it as you could get - was simply too enticing. And once you regained your memories, you were more than little preoccupied with other more immediate issues.

It is of no concern. You are aware now that this new Alternia is not so peaceful and harmless as it might appear and that you have enemies outside of the game (and possibly, your revived friends.)

You open Trollian, a version of the app that is not actually connected to its alternate counterpart (and thus subjected to observation) and is instead, as far as you can tell, a remnant of the previous universe, powered through more game-related nonsense, and create a new memo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno if any of this makes sense?? When I tell y'all this came down to the wire,,, I added an extra 1k while proofreading,,, 
> 
> **Kanaya:** I'll keep all of my emotions right here, and then one day, I'll die.
> 
>  **Dave:** cheers i'll drink to that bro
> 
> In which these losers continue to Not Talk To Each Other unless prodded, but Hey It's Progress. Kanaya is not exempt even though she is very good at pretending to be put together. 
> 
> (also I hc davekan & rosekat friendship on the meteor?? so uh there's a basis for pale feels there,, it didnt just come out of nowhere,,, hope that came thru in fic lol)
> 
> Anyway, each of them is struggling to adapt to the new universe in their own ways, but they're also coming together as a group, so.
> 
> Karkat didn't bring up the mutants - especially the few with his blood color - in his POV bc he is in deep, deep denial. He'd probably have a heart attack if he actually acknowledged that there might be more like him, so he is just. Not going to. This is obviously a very well thought out, cohesive plan, and it definitely won't come back to bite him in the ass later, shut the fuck up dave.
> 
> Dave & Rose didn't comment because they had Rather More Important Things To Be Getting On With. Like, not being human anymore, for a start.
> 
> Troll Mom tackled the political/law side of things, Troll Bro continued to route out dissidents and generally fucked off into the ether to do his own thing (usually creepily stalking Troll Grandpa), and Dolorosa revolutionized the medical industry. They've got free healthcare and insurance and actually take care of their disabled and elderly, can you believe it??? A lot of jadebloods look up to her & become medics, it's adorable. There was also a boom once Kanaya began majoring in the field bc they also adore her, which she just. Doesn't think about.
> 
> (To be fair, none of the Descendants attributed any of good will/praise towards them as having been earned by them. Just token appreciation bc of their ancestors. Which was true in the beginning, but not anymore, mostly!!)
> 
> ((Of course, now there's a good argument for that since they're technically not the same as their counterparts.))
> 
> RoseMary continues to be OTP. Who is davekat?? I don't know her. >;^) Seriously tho, I'm telling y'all. I am but a smol gay, overwhelmed by that sweet, sweet wlw energy. (*ﾉωﾉ)
> 
>  **Me, flustered and sweating as I write ~Romance:** This is fine.
> 
> Kanaya's new trollhandle has finally been revealed! Now we've got the whole gang.
> 
> tactfulGuillotine [TG]   
> tactful = having or showing tact  
> tact = adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues
> 
> Bc she has more of it than literally everyone,, when she chooses
> 
> guillotine = noun: a machine with a heavy blade sliding vertically in grooves, used for beheading people; verb: execute (someone) by guillotine
> 
> ^bc chainsaw lol you can tell I put a lot of thought and effort into this one ;^)
> 
> So I finally incorporated some OCs! I figured it couldn't be a Kanaya chapter without some Hot Goss, and I needed an update from Alternia, so things kinda spiraled from there. These guys will show up later, although not in any hugely important capacity.
> 
> (On that note, if y'all wanna toss some troll &/or human OCs my way, I won't say no. uwu)
> 
> Seems not all is well back home! Poor Kanaya just wanted The Tea™ and got government conspiracies instead.  
> Considering how long highbloods can live, there must surely be some from Way Back When who have been biding their time, waiting for a chance to strike and reverse the status quo. There are always people like that, in every society. Of course our idyllic Alternia would not be spared! ;)
> 
> (I know it should be "Imperialists" but the E is on purpose! It's not any old empire but the Empire that HIC headed, which has been romanticized by bitter highbloods for ages. It's poetic, or something, jeez mom!)
> 
> Also someone said they enjoyed my notes???? I'm out here clowning, and y'all are actually egging me on. Unbelievable. I love you. Wear a mask. Wash your hands. Stay safe!!!


End file.
